I was going to start this caption by saying, “the past few months have been a weird time for me, personally and at work”, but then I realised this entire year has been kind of weird. And last year. And the year before that.
I’ve been in what often feels like an uphill battle sorting out my health and figuring out how to manage it. I was hospitalised a handful of times. I moved interstate, to a city where the only forms of legal sex work were private escorting and stripping, neither of which fit me at the time. I lived briefly in a different country where sex work wasn’t legal at all. I had a long term relationship end and a very unhealthy (but thankfully short lived) relationship begin.
Everything really has happened so much, and at the centre of it all, the thing that seems to be constantly impacted is work. For two whole years now I’ve either barely had any motivation to go, or I’ve been in a living situation where it hasn’t been possible. When I have been, I often leave early. I cancel a lot. On average, my per-shift earnings have dropped dramatically since early 2016.
It’s a difficult cycle to break. The stress compounds, I become even more avoidant, my negative headspace means I’m not reaching my earning potential, I become discouraged and stop working again. And I feel ashamed, you know? Everyone has this idea of sex workers effortlessly making 6 figures a year, living a charmed life. My current reality is a two day work week and the rest of the time spent lying in bed listening to conspiracy podcasts lmao.
A lot of girls I know are experiencing a variation on the theme of this. Burnout and lack of inclination. I know I don’t cross post very often, but I was reading through my “sex work” tag on my blog and found quite a bit of comfort and motivation and inspiration therein. So for all of you who are feeling blah, here’s a compilation of some posts that never fail to make me laugh, reminisce and remind me to push through in the face of apathy. May it help you also in your times of doubt, and when it feels like the troughs outnumber the peaks.