#sensualselfiechallenge day two/too tired to post yesterday n just wanted to injoy my post work night. A pick from the spring. Looking back at it (😂), I see now clearer n clearer how I’ve had to seriously clear my spaces ~ my body, temple, mind, social media, inboxes, phone of others in order to develop a relationship with myself. I have been told that people miss me and perhaps I’ve come off as selfish or self-interested, but that’s what it takes and has taken for and from me in my own unique and divine journey to build a REALationship with myself.
In 2015, before I returned to my home of origin the Philippines, I had a soul retrieval session with an urban indigenous energy worker I met through the @babaylanstudies symposium. She told me I had a spirit bind with my great grandmother Asuncion Peconada of Pototan Iloilo. The bind was attached to the word “floosie” she had 3 daughters all of different husbands in the very American colonized Philippines of the 40s. 🌺
I have felt shame for my body being raised in Catholic and colonized school in the Marshall Islands and in the Philippine cultural experience. Everything riddled in patriarchy. The other night I had an epiphany of how men love to warn us of their peers rather than go inward and outward and fight those demons themselves bc they sold all of our bodies and spiritualities for power. Patriarchy in seeing the strength of queerness and matrilineal, egalitarian society asserted itself and its dominance, greed, and thirst for material wealth & satisfaction at our expense. Even some of the most “socially conscious” men I’ve met identify with rapists more than those who have been assaulted. Why is that? That is y’alls work to do and yet here we are still supporting you. If that ain’t goddexx’s work, idk what is. 🌱
I free myself of the bind of shaming whore, of feeling whore and sexualized when I’m not even acting on it in the moment (tho I do intentionally & consensually whenever I feel like it), and of letting others dismember and disconnect me from my own loving body, my shelter, my core, and the only one who will truly have my front, back, and side to sides at the start & end of the day.