smokeyparadise smokeyparadise

121 posts   2,231 followers   916 followings

H Shavau  Super mom, zookeeper, weekender, dancer, healthy chef. A little zen with a little sass, and whole lotta _____.

Sometimes I look like my dad with a wig. Even when I do the girliest things possible, like the duck face. Oh and you know how they said shake what your momma gave ya? Yea my mom had no ass. Got that from him too. Did that ruin it for you 🌝

Life gave us a lemon

When you never sleep, but you totally have your shit together

Okay so I’m probably never gonna make that video. That’s one thing I’ll have to personally tackle... procrastination.
I’ll get to it ... eventually ( haha)
Anyways so here’s a summary update.
I’ve been using the hormone horoscope app to tell me when my estrogen is plunging and using soy supplements to help counteract that drop. I plan to use estrogen supplements soon.
So far it’s actually been working. I’ve felt really good ( a little sensitive here and there) but nothing close to my normal personality switch and fatigue attack during the luteal phase.
I have kept up with my seed cycling, accompanied with staying active, incorporating more raw veggies, and honestly just being patient with myself and listening to my body. Rest if you need to! Positivity is easier to achieve when you’re not your own biggest critic.
Here’s a great link to explain seed cycling, and how to start . And that’s that. I hope this helps.

Speaking less, listening more. I know I had high ambitions with this social media thing, but I’m just really into the physical world right now. Trying to ensure I still exist out there , genuinely interacting with it. I’ll be back with some type of bs to ramble about I’m sure

My camera is messed up, so I have to get that taken care of before I can start any videos or take any bomb ass pictures. I also clean this big ass house by myself, cook, work, and get this kid to dentist appointments on time. So sometimes I just need a nap

An outlet is so important, but choosing to do so on social media is opening yourself up to a lot. To speak on anything personal that some people may not relate or agree with, is taking the risk of scrutiny. Self expression is a catalyst for self discovery, so totally worth it.

When I moved here, my dad dropped me off with my mom (whom I had met once before)when I was 12. He drove 1000 miles and literally dropped me off and drove away. He was my best friend, all I knew. I knocked on her door like hey it’s me 🤷🏼‍♀️. She and my step dad took me in, they lived in the smallest unwelcoming town I’d ever been to. I was going through my own issues (obviously) combined with a cesspool of small town kid BS like house parties and drugs and online bullying. Fast forward. I left that town and met my adulthood, leaving my mom behind as a healthy decision, found some people I partied and worked with, and created my own family due to being isolated from my Italian family up north and never completely welcomed into the other side. The cold reality that these people I attempted to replace family with, weren’t who I perceived them to be, set in as I saw their true colors. I had to accept that at this point, I can’t replace my family, but recently, I’ve learned to appreciate the two great friends I have* and realized I am lucky for karimes family to treat me and my son as one of their own. The world is cold and lonely when you don’t trust anyone. I’ve done my fair share of fucked up things to people , and I won’t excuse it. I plan to turn those mistakes into lessons, and no longer regrets. I was learning about myself, and I will continue to grow into a better person, and a better friend, and “family” won’t be something I feel so left out of anymore. Maybe, eventually, the world won’t be something I push away out of fear.
I was given up on by the people who mattered most, when I needed them. So I owe it to myself , and damnit I’m gonna do it.
If you’ve been dropped, unforgiven, or treated like you don’t matter because you aren’t suiting someone at the time, That shows the strength and stage of self growth that person was in, they weren’t capable of showing compassion at that time because internally, they had not gotten to that level. To understand their decision isn’t to excuse it. My parents literally forgot about me, and now they call, or send an occasional text about how proud they are. Well yea, me too, I put a lot of hard work into raising myself.

My recent pms post inspired a little project called “seed cycling” (thank you to @banana_republic_archivist for the suggestion) in an effort to balance my hormones, and in turn, balance my life. women are often diagnosed with mental disorder before hormone imbalance is even considered.
Seed cycling is the use of seeds and oils , during certain phases of your 28 day menstrual cycle to help with the extreme fluctuations you experience that can trigger fatigue, anxiety, depression etc. The goal, is to remain balanced all month long! ( can you imagine)
I plan to make a YouTube video to explain more in depth of why certain seeds during each phase, and my progress, I (hope) to experience. I am currently in my luteal phase and took 200mg of soy isoflavones because during this phase your estrogen plummets, and soy imitates estrogen. I actually feel better! I will be taking a teaspoon of sesame and sunflower seeds today as well, along with primrose oil. Wish me luck! Hopefully I can have more of 😁 and a little less 😭🤬
The hormone horoscope app (suggested by @savannapagemclemore will help you to know which phase of your cycle you are in, too.)
# Xo Ya girl

Loving a narcissist is ROUGH. Especially when learning to love yourself as well, and most of the time, when they notice you’re focused on something else more than them, be it self improvement, or even family. They might at first try to fool you with false support to win your approval, in an attempt to regain your attention. When this fails to refocus your priorities back to pleasing them.. be prepared for a fit. What you’re dealing with, is a toddler trapped in an adult body. When this fit doesn’t get your attention, they will seek out attention by acting out, or moving on to someone convenient, willing to satisfy their craving. The narcissist will do anything to remain relevant, needing that validation trying to soothe their deep seeded insecurities. It’s best to just stay on fleek, mind your business, and please yourself at that point. You can love them from a distance- without sacrificing your personal needs and catering to their disorder. Take care of you.

Sincerely, that bitch

PMS can seriously make you feel like an entirely different person. For me, it’s more than being “just a bitch”. I feel down, unenthusiastic, irritable, sad, and even ugly. Sometimes angry. I start thinking negatively about everything! It takes every bit of me to realize “okay self this is just hormones , turn yourself around”. I try everything. There are times when I can’t even talk myself out of bed. I’ve tried Fake it until you make it, positive affirmations, workouts, chocolate, party and have fun... whatever. My son, and my pets help motivate me to stay productive and caring for them always makes me feel nice, But I wish I could find a solid remedy to this. It stunts my productivity.. Warps my perception, and it just fucking sucks. To admit to the stigma of oh I’m just “PMS-ing” is so frustrating when, in my head, I feel like I’m having a mental breakdown. Do y’all deal with this is any special way ? Sincerely, ya girl.

Off the map.

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