When I moved here, my dad dropped me off with my mom (whom I had met once before)when I was 12. He drove 1000 miles and literally dropped me off and drove away. He was my best friend, all I knew. I knocked on her door like hey it’s me 🤷🏼♀️. She and my step dad took me in, they lived in the smallest unwelcoming town I’d ever been to. I was going through my own issues (obviously) combined with a cesspool of small town kid BS like house parties and drugs and online bullying. Fast forward. I left that town and met my adulthood, leaving my mom behind as a healthy decision, found some people I partied and worked with, and created my own family due to being isolated from my Italian family up north and never completely welcomed into the other side. The cold reality that these people I attempted to replace family with, weren’t who I perceived them to be, set in as I saw their true colors. I had to accept that at this point, I can’t replace my family, but recently, I’ve learned to appreciate the two great friends I have* and realized I am lucky for karimes family to treat me and my son as one of their own. The world is cold and lonely when you don’t trust anyone. I’ve done my fair share of fucked up things to people , and I won’t excuse it. I plan to turn those mistakes into lessons, and no longer regrets. I was learning about myself, and I will continue to grow into a better person, and a better friend, and “family” won’t be something I feel so left out of anymore. Maybe, eventually, the world won’t be something I push away out of fear.
I was given up on by the people who mattered most, when I needed them. So I owe it to myself , and damnit I’m gonna do it.
If you’ve been dropped, unforgiven, or treated like you don’t matter because you aren’t suiting someone at the time, That shows the strength and stage of self growth that person was in, they weren’t capable of showing compassion at that time because internally, they had not gotten to that level. To understand their decision isn’t to excuse it. My parents literally forgot about me, and now they call, or send an occasional text about how proud they are. Well yea, me too, I put a lot of hard work into raising myself.