smethanie smethanie

2,266 posts   2,032 followers   487 followings

Stephanie McMaster  Once washed a cat in the bathroom sink at DFW Airport.

Happy national sibling day from my fave siblings (no offense to the Wright Brothers)

In this classic children’s book, a grown man brags about his ability to make farm animal sounds all the while looking like he’s shitting himself.

Wait. So is it free or for a fee?

💔 Goodbye, Luke. And thanks for all the daydreams conjured while staring at pages torn from Tiger and Teen Beat and taped to the walls of my childhood bedroom.

Checking in from the borderland of El Paso, Texas, where our Great American National Emergency rages on. Things here are trying —just this afternoon I met a child peddling sweets on a street corner. In a hushed voice she told me things have become so dire, her supply of Thin Mints had been depleted. Haggard and desperate, we will persist, relying only on the Tagalongs we were able to procure. Send prayers.

Stay safe out there, El Paso. I’ll see you on the other side.

El Paso, I love you so damn much.
#marchfortruth #elpaso

Fine. 2008/2018. Still got a baby on my dang hip.

2018 summed up pretty accurately via my top nine. It’s been a rough one, friends. Here’s to 2019 being a little kinder to us all. And to adding a Beto 2020 shirt to my collection.

My mom doesn’t have an insta (thank you jesus and also happy early birthday) so I can post her Christmas present now without ruining the surprise. My mom lives in an in-law-type apartment above us and has been hinting (pretty much begging) for a pet because it gets lonely up there when life gets busy down here. Anyway, meet this one-eyed sweet little immigrant from across the border in Juárez, where she was found in the streets with her puppies and her lover, a feisty Chihuahua named Franco (he’s a stunner and still looking for a home!) The whole fam ended up at the Animal Rescue League here in El Paso (@arlelpaso), and the last of her puppies was adopted hours before we met and fell in love this afternoon. She’s a sweetie and deserves all the cuddles and spoiling my mom is going to give her. In the meantime, we’re all trying to hide a dog from Grandma like some Disney Channel (hit me up) tween spy show. #adoptdontshop #rescuedog

Two years ago I married a man who invited me into his car at the “end” of our first date to listen to R. Kelly’s “Marry the Pussy.” When you know, you know.

Happy Anniversary, Love. As R. Kelly (a sexual abuser and predator we in no way continue to support by still listening to) said, “Baby, we put on a tux, break out a ring. Because this pussy is the realest pussy (to me)” Here’s some pics of us eating one another to celebrate. ♥️

Sometimes people ask when I’ll move back to New York, and sometimes I send them photos like this.

Most Popular Instagram Hashtags