shawnraeyoga shawnraeyoga

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Shawn Rae  mama + writer + yoga guide

"Mom, stop."

Parenting was so much easier when you weren't here in the flesh, screaming "ma ma ma ma ma" as I "indulge" in my three minute shower while singing "if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands." Being mom was so much simpler when I thought I knew what this whole mothering business entailed.
Let me just break this down for anyone without children who is even remotely considering procreation.
You know nothing.
And everything you thought you were or weren't going to do or say or be is a figment of your imagination.
You know that mother you passed in the grocery store? The one with the red-faced toddler, squawking some unintelligible, passionate nonsense, that refuses to peel him or herself from the floor of the cereal aisle?
Remember when you silently judged her and swore on all of your earthly possessions that your child wouldn't be like that?
I invite you to embark now on your journey of realization and acceptance.
You're not going to tell your tiny human who to be and when to be it.
Scratch that. You can try.
But there are no guarantees that they'll listen or follow your direction.
They are human after all.
Experiencing, observing, reacting, learning, feeling, expressing.
They, just like you, require the space and patience to become.
On their own time.
Which, SURPRISE, is your time now.
Your time is their time.
Even when you think your time belongs to you, I assure you, it does not.
Not in the bathroom, in the laundry room, in church, or at the grocery store.
You're who you are today because a woman before you gave her body, and heart, and time so you could be your own.
So in this moment pictured,
When time stood still,
And you did too,
It all comes full circle.
And I am reminded,
Is of the essence.

I thought I could be anything.
And sure, I guess I could have.
But all that I was feels so trivial,
Now that I'm everything to you.
When you're a young adult,
Untethered and insatiable,
Sometimes you wonder,
What if I move to another town,
And simply become someone else.
A fresh start.
An blank page.
A rebirth.
That's like motherhood.
Someone totally new,
But also never more rooted in who you've always been.
Motherhood is a rebirth into the woman you were born to be.
And nothing feels more like me,
Than being yours.
#letterstofallon #motherhoodrising #oldnavytakeallmymoney

A few weeks ago, when you were cutting your second tooth and battling the flu at the same time, we were having a particularly bad night. You were up every 30 minutes following bedtime, irritable and inconsolable. I resorted to what I feel all women need when they're in pain; a warm bath. A love for water runs through your veins - it's no surprise that this is typically your cure-all. But not that night. I wrapped you up in a towel and you made it clear you wanted nothing to do with diapers or clothes or being put down. So we sat on your rug and I rocked you back and forth as you told me how you felt about those stupid teeth. You peed as you always do post-bath sans diaper. I snuggled you close to my chest with my cheek on yours telling you that I loved you and that everything was going to be okay. Your little heart slowed, your eyes closed, and your body relaxed. I was covered in pee and my right hip and leg went numb from the way I was sitting. And I thought, I'll do this forever if you need me to. I'll sit here rocking you as half of my body loses feeling, my back aches, my neck throbs, and my eyes burn from exhaustion if that's what will make everything right in your world. There is nothing I wouldn't endure, nothing I wouldn't sacrifice, and nothing I wouldn't do for you, my little love. My mother used to express the same sentiment to me. I never fully understood it's magnitude until your soul took root within mine. But now it's clear every single day. My life is no longer about me. It's your time to shine, tiny wild woman, and I will forever be there to help you do just that. Even in the middle of the night, wrapped up in a towel and tears, because as long as you're okay, I'm okay too.
#letterstofallon #motherhoodrising

My whole world for my whole life.

Happy nine months, little beach babe. Ps. The sandy bun is almost too cute to handle.

It's International Women's Day.
Never have I understood and embraced the power of woman more than when I witnessed my body create and birth ANOTHER HUMAN BEING.
Now it is my most sacred obligation to raise a woman who is compassionate, honest, steadfast, respectful, spiritual, intelligent, curious, creative, forgiving, understanding, and wise.
A most heartfelt and forever inadequate thank you goes out to my mother.
The woman who made me every bit of the woman I am today.
#IWD #internationalwomensday #thankawomantoday #womanstrong #motherhoodrising

When the Old Spanish Sugar Mill has non-GMO vegan pancakes, excited is an understatement.

I used to look like this.
I used to stand on my hands,
And wear bikinis that hardly passed as clothing.
I used to wake up when I pleased
And eat when I felt like it.
I used to sip my coffee slow as the sun inches peacefully from the horizon to the sky.
I used to lay on the beach for hours
Reading tattered hardcovers I found at thrift stores for three dollars and a smile.
I used to forgo undergarments because it made me feel freer than I already was.
I used to walk with my head high, shoulders back, and the corners of my lips curled towards the clouds.
I used to drink even if it wasn't five o'clock somewhere.
I used to lounge in my underwear while watching countless hours of Sex And The City reruns eating Biscoff from the jar.
I would waste far too much time exfoliating with homemade coffee scrub, removing every last hair below my neck, moisturizing, and primping.
All for a Wednesday night.
I used to carelessly toss my clothing about my room when I knew damn well I would wear something black and skimpy.
I would drive with my windows down and music loud.
I used to feel sexy as the scent of coconut oil on my bronzed skin filled the car.
I used to frequent the bar at our local Italian restaurant and drink red wine until my lips were the color of this dress.
I used to write things that I thought people gave a damn about.
I used to write things that I thought I gave a damn about.
Things that I thought were important.
But the truth is, I knew nothing of anything of importance until I met her.
Until my abdomen was cut in half and my daughter took her first breath.
Then all of the things I used to be faded like putting creamer in coffee.
I used to be sexy, bold, and confident.
Now, I am a gentle creator.
A soft healer.
A patient teacher.
An eager student.
A fierce protector.
Now, I sustain the life of a human being with my own body.
Now, I am a mother.
My most important role.
Now, I am #strong.

Smoothie queen 😍
I promise one day I'll start posting yoga-related material again lol
Can you even blame me for constantly posting this face?!

Just two vegan chicks watching the @hotforfood YouTube channel researching new recipes and munching on an apple after a giant fruit and hemp seed smoothie. Routine.
#favorite #shehasmyheart

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