READ: Hot Takes from Uncle Jerry
Alright yinz, here's the scoop:
After last night's emotional Thunderbolt ride, the old lady told me the trash stinks worse than Niskanen's lockerroom poker face. So I'm takin the trash aht and so is my neighbor Ziggy. Ziggy's cousin knows a guy that does detail work dahn Sewickley Audi. Who takes his car to get detailed there? Sidney Flippin Crosby. He said that an usher guy he knows was workin' last night's game and seen Crosby in a full three-piece suit walkin' like he just signed a bonus check. He even winked over at'him and mouthed the words "It's all good, Eh!." I don't speak no Canadian, but I think we're gonna see our Captain back tomorrow night!
Secondly, and to further support Ziggy's cousin's friend's usher-buddy's claim, I swung into the corner bar to play the Pahrball and who's in there? Cowboy! I ain't got time to explain why his name is Cowboy, but he tells me he's got the inside word that Crosby's playin' tomorrow night! I ain't never seen Cowboy wrong. That jagoff helped me pay off my snowblower after tellin' me Johnny Cueto was gonna drop the ball in the bottom of the second!
Pens in 5.
Since he's so good at it, maybe we should try to get Cueto to drop the puck tomorrow night dahn PPG...