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Is That A Service Dog?  Why Is there an untrained dog in the grocery store? We've interviewed all the suspect service dogs & this is what they have to say.


These people are the worst. They can't pick their sushi so I have to do it for them. I basically roll around in this baby stroller and help them decide if they want ikura or albacore.

sometime she wants quail eggs, sometimes he doesn't. I also mediate marital disputes. I am service dog. If I wasn't you would never see me and the sushi bar. #servicedog

This lady sniffs my ass and kisses me. I am a service dog. It's hard to talk. I'm busy with both ends #servicedog #supportdog

This is what I look like right before I bark. My bark is loud and shrill and it is often. We're in an echoing train depot right now and this couple is trying to put my Dr. Googlypants supplied support animal tags on me so that we can all ride the train together. I hate the tags so I'm biting them, growling and barking. I'm an echo support dog. This lady is like a bat. She needs noises to echo around so that she can figure out where objects are in space. My job is to sit on her lap and bark, grown or make other noises. Get used to me because I'm going to be a loud seat mate. Oh. And we only travel business class. What do I look like, a plebe? #servicedog #supportdog #emotionalsupportdog #esa #satire #satiregram

Stop making pussy jokes! I am an emotional support cat. This lady is afraid to fly. Obviously the only way to overcome that is to bring your cat in a baby stroller on the airplane, have me completely freak out at takeoff and landing, claw everyone around us, thus creating more space for her.

You may question her method but you cannot question my legitimacy. Dr. Scamsalot wrote a note. I am entitled to fly with you. Don't mess with this pussy or we will sue you. #catsofinstagram #catstagram #cats

No photos of my face please. I'm in the witness protection program. I ratted out the cat that ate the canary. She's terrifying.

The camera work is terrible so you won't easily see that I'm the support dog of the support dog. I don't know what makes this guy precious enough to need a support dog but I do know that as the secondary support dog I'm responsible for helping the first support dog wipe his ass. We are both terrible at it. We are learning and by our next flight I'm sure we'll be competent. In the meantime the two of us will be flying first class with this guy. I'll be teaching the white dog to wipe his butt and the white dog will be performing some sort of emotional service. I have no idea how, he smells like a turd.

I'm a humility support dog. Between you and this guy is kind of a d*ck. He works in reality TV and wants the world to know it, which is weird because people used to be really embarrassed to do that job. Whatever! Anyhow, I'm here to sort of mope alone slowly behind him while he peacocks for the good people of #DowntownLA. See my tail and head lowered? That's humility. I'm trying to teach it to him and Dr. Narcissus swears that he won't need me forever. I have my doubts. He wasn't very nice during my interview and I don't think he's learning much. He's more important than you are. Just ask him.

No, I am not wearing a scarf.
Yes, that is my neck.
Yes, you are body shaming me.
No I do not appreciate it.

My handler has body dysmorphia. He's actually really hot and spends the whole day in the gym. For some reason though he doesn't like people looking at his body so I'm here to detract the attention from him. I'm a medically necessary device. Without me and my admittedly freakish neck there would be nothing to keep people from looking at my handler.

Dr. Googlywoogly wrote a note. If you ask any questions we'll sue you. Enjoy the movie!

I learned a new word! "Lawsuit!" Now they're skipping the food service (my cousin in a sandwich) and I've been upgraded to a better seat. "Lawsuit" is my new favorite word. Every turkey should learn it. #turkey

Yes I am a turkey in a wheelchair in an airport. No you cannot ask why. The only words I know are "ADA" and "HIPPA" #turkey

This guy is nice. Really nice. Pushover nice even. I am not. I am a stink eye service dog and I'm here because his therapist Dr. Whatchulookingat determined that the only way for this guy to make it through the world is with a stink eye support animal. So really, what the f**k are you looking at? I may be small. I may be in a baby sling but I've got a death stare that ought to terrify you.

I don't have to tell you why I'm at Starbucks anymore than I have to tell you why I'm inside the Ralph's grocery store. But I will. I'm Yenta support dog. My handler used to have trouble talking to strangers but now it's no problem at all. In fact as she carried me up the escalator we talked to everybody about why I was here. I am an emotional support animal. And no, that's not always allowed in the market. But a yenta support dog is! That's protected. Hang out with me at the grocery store. Dr. Googlehead wrote a note.

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