selfloveclubb selfloveclubb

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Milly🌻  Mental health awareness and body love🌙 Sad but rad 🤟🏻 Friend to the animals and planet 🌍 V-Gang 🥑 Mumma Bear 🐻 selfloveclubb@gmail.com

“Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place”- Ray Holt.
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Im bisexual 🌈
I haven’t ever really made that ‘known’ on here before and I’ve only ever recently admitted it to myself as I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching/character building.
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Tbh I feel a lot of stigma/pressure from it as suffering with BPD people assume it’s just because I’m indecisive or don’t have a strong sense of self. -
But it is what it is and I’m proud of finally being honest with myself and the world. I like men and women and I count myself super lucky to know that in myself.
Love is love 🌈
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You can buy this wig and many others on my @depop ‘selfloveclubb

Is it worth it?
Yes, every painful low and every pit is worth it for the joy I see in Eli’s face when I smile.
Is it worth it?
Yes, seeing the sun in the morning and feeling the warmth on my skin is worth every tear.
Is it worth it?
Yes, every high point is worth the mental torment.
Is it worth it?
Yes, because everyday I stand up out of bed and kick ass I inspire others to know they can do the same.
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Life is always worth it.
I’ve been at points in my life and I’m there again where I’ve struggled to see past the suicidal thoughts, past the fear and pain and thought it truly can’t be worth it but then those moods pass and it was ALWAYS always worth holding onto.
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If you’re in a dark spot right now and nothing feels worth it then tell yourself “this too shall pass” because it will. It truly will.
Take this right here as a sign that you are meant to be here and meant to hold on.
💛

If you’re more concerned about the legality of someone crossing a ‘border’ than the fact that babies are being ripped away from their mothers whilst breastfeeding and children and sleeping on cold floors then get in the bin.
NO HUMAN IS ILLEGAL.
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Artwork by @abandonshipapparel

If you find yourself offended by a mother bathing with her son or a father bathing with his daughter then I suggest you take a good look inside yourself.
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Feeling your skin on my skin makes me feel alive.
Your head on my breasts reminds me of you feeding, reminds me I gave you life.
Your naked snuggles remind me of the bond we share.
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I will bathe with Eli and enjoy skin on skin time for as long as possible until he no longer wants to.
He can asks whatever questions he likes about my body and his own and he will receive the best, most educated answers.
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I birthed my baby, I grew him, I fed him from my breast, naked bathing together is one of the only things that reminds me of the newborn times, I will not let that go until I need to as per his request. -
If you find yourself offended by a mother bathing with her son or a father bathing with his daughter then take yourself aside and have a damn word.

No longer will I fit into the crowd.
No longer will I starve to please society.
No longer will I be afraid to be me.
No longer will I live a life that’s not true.
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We are on this planet, surrounded by amazing and wonderful things once and I’ll be damned if I spend that life feeling like shit for living my best life, for eating delicious foods, for indulging in pleasures.
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My body shape, weight or appearance will no longer effect my desire to live my life how it’s deserves to be lived.
You are so valuable and wonderful, you deserve to live. You deserve to thrive.
💛

A smile can hide so much.
A smile can hide pain, fear and hate.
A smile can be the best disguise anyone could wear.
A smile can be dangerous, a sign of safety when that person is slipping into danger.
Always look beyond a smile.
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I haven’t been coping lately. If I haven’t been with Eli I will keep myself drunk, high or asleep.
I fear being alone, I fear the dark, I fear the quiet.
I’m essentially a walking advertisement for unhealthy coping mechanisms.
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I was on a positive upwards hill but heartache plagues me, longing and desperation creeps in if I’m still for too long and the blackness seems to always find it’s way to cover the light.
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I’ve struggled to rebuild the me that I like, the kind me, the me who would fight the Hulk to see people feel slightly better about themselves, the me that despite struggles will be loud, outspoken and proud.
I feel very disliked, fragile and riddled with guilt.
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The thing that keeps me going (apart from the truly wonderful people who have really come through for me) is that the fire, the deep rooted desire to make this world a better place is still there, even in the blackest of moments I still feel that need to make people feel good and less alone.
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Storms don’t last forever. I promise 💛

Sigh. Me.

🎵SEXXXXXYYYY, tell me again. Everything about u so seeexxxxyyyy🎵
I’ve been very much out of touch with my sexuality/body recently.
I haven’t felt worthy of the pleasure sex/touch can bring and haven’t been in tune with my natural drive.
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Sex is expressive for me, creative and fun but it also connects me with people in periods of emotional blackout. I find genuine and purposeful human touch is something that will always bring me back to myself, my feelings and my vibe.
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I think we’re taught that sex is secretive and shameful and it’s just bullshit (if you want it to be then that’s chillin’) but I’ve always loved talking about sex (ask anyone who talks to me regularly, I always turn a convo round onto sex) and I know there’s a lull in my mood if I haven’t spoken about it recently ha. Being in touch with your natural sex drive/curiosity I believe is such an important part of life.
No shame in the banging game (title of my sex tape).
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What are your favourite ways to reconnect sexually?
Set from @brastop

It’s been three years, Elijah.
Amongst the blissful happy feelings on the day you were born I am ashamed to say I felt a pang of sadness.
I looked down at your innocent and perfect face and I knew there and then that I would never be able to shelter you from the world or protect you from the pain and heartbreak that you will inevitably feel.
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You were there looking at me wanting comfort, love and nourishing and I knew that some day far too soon you will seek that comfort and love from somewhere else and I felt jealous, protective and afraid. Afraid for you to ever leave my arms.
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You’d barely been in the world for longer than an hour when I cried. I wept. I remember an overwhelming feeling of sadness as I thought of your first loss, your first true heartfelt sob or the first time you’d feel anger towards me.
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I felt like I would disappoint you, fail you, not be the mother you so very deserve.
Every doubt i had came rushing out and i felt myself slipping, I felt panic, dissociation and fear. I was hyper ventilating and shaking when you let out a little cry from your hospital cot and I stopped still, I walked to you and embraced you and in that moment you were the first person ever to pull me out of a spiral with just your presence and your voice. The first person to calm me in the midst of a storm. -
I knew in that perfect moment you and I were going to be ok. I knew in that second that you, Little Bear were going to give me purpose that I could only have dreamt of before. I knew from that day forward I not only became a Mother but I gained a friend, a soul mate, a piece of me I never knew was missing.
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I may get sad, inconsolable with grief and I may not be the picture perfect mother but my sweet angel I will love you like no other, I will hold you like no one ever can and you will always be my lighthouse, you will always guide me home and I will fight everyday until the end for you.
You will grace lives in ways you might never understand. You are a gift to this world and anyone who thinks otherwise does not deserve you.
Happy third birthday, Elijah Edward.

My skin is scarred from surgery and self harm.
My skin has stretch marks and purple veins.
My skin is tattooed.
My skin is sore and sensitive from medication.
My skin gives me tingles when it’s softly touched.
My skin is a gateway to pleasure and trust.
My skin is beautiful, imperfectly perfect, protective and resilient.
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We are not airbrushed, all one colour or smooth like cake icing. We are human, as variant as nature and just as incredible

Keep it up, Chad.

I’ve become so ashamed of who I am recently.
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I’m afraid to be myself as I’m aware I’m full on, complicated and have a messy brain. I know I make mistakes, lose myself and my way frequently. I know I need people to guide me and help prop me up along the way when things get too much for me.
I lack emotional skin, every smile or tear feels like 3rd degree burns emotionally and mentally.
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I’ve been muddled through the last couple of months like a hurricane destroying everything in my path wishing for the world to just end or a moment of peace in the storm. A moment of clarity.
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I carry around huge amounts of guilt, feel like my life isn’t worth anything and forever put myself down. Eli’s hurting too and when he hurts my heart cries.
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But this is who I am, it’s not pretty, it’s not romantic or instagram ‘worthy’ but it’s me... Strong, brave, kind to my soul, I feel so deeply that I could never explain my feelings with words, I have episodes that take huge hits on my life that I have to claw back from but I do, I claw back every time.
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I’m not worthless, I have done so much good in my life for all of those around me and I do not deserve to be treat like I haven’t. I simply do not deserve to be ignored, my importance and presence dismissed, I simply do not.
You are enough, you are wonderful.
💛

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