Suicide prevention day 💛Tw: talk of suicidal tendencies.
"You don't look suicidal"... I remember these words coming from the Dr's mouth right after I'd just told him that I was having thoughts of suicide.
I remember in that moment my 14 year old self felt invalidation, dumb and embarrassed; something no one in that mindset should have to feel.
I left feeling confused, what was I supposed to look like? A bottle of pills in one hand and a suicide note in the other? Those words nearly cost me my life, that judgment, those stupid stupid words.
I remember the night just last year that I spiralled and overdosed in my living room. I remember thinking to myself "I can't get help, I don't look suicidal, I don't fit the bill, they'll laugh at me".
I remember thinking I must have looked the part, must have been wearing the suicidal costume properly when I woke up in Resus as all around me were concerned, worried and sad faces.
By then this could have been too late, i might not have been there to see those sad faces if my partner hadn't of saved my life.
This, this is the danger of thinking mental health has a 'face',a 'look'. This is how stigma, ignorance and judgement towards mental health/suicide affects those who are poorly.
In both these photos i'm suicidal, perhaps not in the same way but on both of these days I had suicidal thoughts racing around.
Stop the judgment.
Stop the stigma.