Let’s talk boundaries. Why do we set them? For me it boils down to self worth and time. I have a lot of one and very little of the other. Life is too short to live for other people. It is too short to have things in your life you don’t want there.
My father didn’t have the best upbringing. That being said, he didn’t necessarily learn from that, he mirrored it as a parent. My father is also a narcissist(undiagnosed). There was a lot of anger in our home when I grew up. I thought that was normal. It was my normal, anyway. I can’t get into it all, mostly because it’s a lot and hard to talk about.
He is now remarried to his third wife, who I refuse to talk about because she is the worst person on this planet. Well, maybe not as bad as Trump...😜 but she drove a wedge in our relationship and he let her.
As an adult I was always the one to reach out and try. We would get coffee but because I didn’t have a good relationship with his wife he wouldn’t see my husband. Real mature, I know. He left our wedding immediately after the ceremony because they had dinner resorvations. I have no photos with my father from my wedding. And he likes to continue to call me a “fuck up”. Why am I telling you this? Because on 12/22/17 I removed him from my life. We got into an argument and I realized he will never change. Why do I keep trying?! Over and over again. So at the end of that argument we parted ways and haven’t spoken since. Why did I do that? Because he’s not adding anything positive to my life. Yes, he is my father but this is my life and I get to choose who will be in it.
Going through the bullying I did prepared me for that moment. I, now, KNOW I deserve better.
If you don’t already, I hope you know it’s ok to make hard choices to better your life. It’s ok to say goodbye to people to don’t add joy and love. It’s too short to let others bring you down or make you feel ways you don’t want to. I hated feeling disappointed, unloved, and misunderstood.
I am still working on this in therapy and still struggle. I miss him and think about him every day. But it needed to be done and I’m stronger because of it.
Please, also check out @fatvegfemme. Her art is SO inspiring!!