I didn’t stage this picture. (Well, as much as you can NOT stage a picture, when you intend to snap it)
This last week I turned another year older. It was the first year of my life that I remember wishing with all my light that we could just skip my birthday. Just fast forward past Sept. 11th (yes, I share a birthday with a national tragedy) and keep moving ahead.
When I look back on my 31st year it was by far the most challenging one I can recall. But as my people looked back with me they saw something I didn’t see, but I needed to hear. The last year may have been full of the most unexpected challenges and pain, but forging ahead in the midst of that revealed greater character, new confidence, fierce boldness and a deeper awareness of who I was truly created to be.
I’m going to tell you a secret that I’d been afraid to admit (and truly, in debilitating denial about) for the past 5 years. If you’re deep in my pocket of people, you’ll know I was pretty convinced I didn’t want to get married. I had NO desire for what I thought marriage could (or couldn’t) offer.
True confessions: I do want to get married. I’m terrified of ending up alone. And the greater truth is that I don’t have to be terrified of that. Fear isn’t the decider of my fate and future. It’s a liar. Ain’t nobody got time for that!! The other truth is, no matter where we are, single, married, parents or not, we ALL hear that voice that says “you’re alone”. When you feel it, go grab somebody’s hand, link arms, ask for help! Fight together!
Thank you to the small pockets of people that sat around the dinner table over takeout or home cooked meals and celebrated my life. Thanks for not forcing me to go out and make a big show. But to just let me ease in to 32.