Today marks 20 years since my Daddy passed away. My dad (although had his faults) was my absolute hero he was funny, kind & had time for everyone.
He died of heart failure in front of me and sister while we were trying to resuscitate him. I’ve carried the guilt of not being able to save for many many years. But slowly over time accept that his time was his time and there is simply nothing you can do about that.
Being an Iman he lead people, gave them advice & guidance, named their babies, fixed marriages, blessed them. As a kid to me it seemed like my Dad was alway giving his time in some sort of way.
What is hard is accepting that when he died he took a lot of secrets & information with him - Parents need to stop doing this it affects us more than you know.
He was a quiet man. Softly spoken but when he talked people would lean in to listen. But don’t get it twisted you didn’t dare speak when he was speaking. Quietly confident he was the head of our house.
Never violent I can only remember him raising his voice to me a couple of times. Once because I stole some sweets from Woolworths in Brixton got caught the police came to the house bringing shame on the family name. Boy did I get in trouble that day.
Another time he opened one of letters when I was writing to a boy in prison. dunno what I was thinking with that one 😂😂😂😂😂 But he was funny alway telling corny jokes. I know inherited his ability to see the humour in everything no matter how awkward the situation.
Although mainly traditional at times he wasn’t the typical Nigerian father. He didn’t expect us kids to knee down to anyone but God (elders around us did not like that one). And when I told him when I was 12/13 that I wasn’t keen on religion he said to me not to worry that ‘he was a man before he was a Muslim’ he encouraged me to do my own research and find what’s right for me.
20 years is a long time but it still feels raw. I just hope he’s proud of all of his kids and knows how much we did and will continue to love him.