The pain of losing him was never consistent. What I mean by that is that I didn't feel it all the time. It was the worst kind of pain. The pain of losing him is the pain that creeps up on you when you think you're okay. The pain of losing him is draining. This pain leaves a person absolutely empty. My body feels hollow when I think of him. When I think of what I've done. When I think of the last words he said to me. I want to cry and scream in agony yet I find myself unable to find my voice or tears. The pain of losing him is the worst because you realize how bad you were to him. The pain of losing him reminds you that you could have been better. The pain of losing him reminds you that you're human and things go bad. The pain of losing him is everywhere yet no where at all. I remember the night he ended things. I remember I cried for a long time. Not a regular cry where you need a tissue but a cry that made my entire body ache and my sheets be covered in salty tears. The pain of losing him left me absolutely empty. Tithe pain of losing him effects me so much because I found joy in him. The touch of his skin, the depth of his voice. I remember the last time I saw him I memorized his face. Every inch every curve. I found God in him. The pain of losing him effects me so much. I re read the last message he sent me as a reminder of what I have become. I saw his broken soul in all its disgrace and beaten down state. I saw his soul and I was amazed. The pain of losing him is incredible. I hear him in every song, every book, every story. My love how I wish you where still here. The pain of losing you is in every joke I no longer get to tell you. The pain of losing you is in knowing I'm slowly losing myself now.