Birthday week, not so good. My birthday flat out sucked. My mom being in so much pain from her back worries me. Yesterday wasn't good either. So today I put on makeup and added some lipstick. Trying to make myself happy. So much going on. So much on my mind. Am I a good mom, wife, boss, daughter, sister, friend, coworker....I am such a people pleasure. I want to make everyone happy. Always have been and probably ways will be. I want to lose weight to feel accepted. I want to travel to stop being ashamed of myself. This week feels like everything is caving in. Sometimes i wonder if a lot of it is because of losing dad. No one to watch mom. Having a parent die is so hard. I don't know if im still grieving over dad and Danny. I've lost motivation to do a lot of things. I'm not depressed per say, been there and it's nothing like that, totally. I just feel empty. I guess I'm tiring of giving so much and wondering if it makes any difference. Maybe it's the change and job and the days off I have now? Don't have two days in a row so I don't really get any rest. Always going it seems. Who knows. Just had to share and get it out.