Performing live music is like going to war against my own doubt and limitations in front of my fellow humans.
I have played the drums my entire life but am in a constant state of exploration in my expression through this instrument. Accessing something below the surface of who I am that I can not say any other way. Communicating with God through this allowance He has granted me and hoping that conversation relays to others echoes of His realness.
I constantly hear voices in my mind on stage that taunt "You're going to blow this next section" or "You're not playing very well tonight and you're actually pretty terrible in general". These voices are attempting to mask the truth that I am in search of through playing in the first place.
The truth that being allowed to express myself no matter how well I accomplish this on any given night is freedom. The act of expressing freedom is of greater importance than how impressive that expression is to anyone.
I strive to be excellent in what I do but I am finding that the state of my heart from which I share what I have been given is of far greater impact than the skill of my hands.
Human skill and trade falter but love pervades all of time.
The voice of doubt that clamors to grasp at your attention is a liar that is terrified of the truth. Terrified of the risk that freedom may prompt and the hearts it will change.
I am learning to smile and laugh when I hear these voices or when I make a mistake because it is not up to me to win the war. No one expects me to be perfect. Letting go with a smile in these moments is my recognition of Gods victory no matter what happens in my trying.
Our gifts are true because they are not of us.
Giving of them freely through our fumbling hands and stumbling feet is what delivers the victory of our war.
Do not be afraid but push through the voices of doubt, fear, anxiety, failure, depression, and insecurity to declare who YOU are.
You are never alone. You are a warrior.
You are FREE. You are LOVED. You are made with and for GREAT PURPOSE.
So GO in peace and share your voice and your story through your own God-given form of expression. We need it.