recovery.chii recovery.chii

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-Kara-  💜25 || AN || Restoring ||💜|| hospital<real world🌸

http://ask.fm/karayoni

Rainy holiday Monday makes for the perfect excuse to stay in, be cozy, and eat spaghetti. Had some stuff transpire this morning that left me feeling sad, disappointed and a little silly but I'm blessed enough to have the right people in my life to help lift me up. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Thoughts and feelings, feelings and thoughts. Since Monday, the day I usually weigh myself at the medical centre, is a holiday I've decided this week to forego weighing myself altogether. Embarrassingly, this is a really big challenge for me. Much as I hate it, I also crave the reassurance weigh-in gives me that my weight hasn't suddenly spiked up too quickly. But trusting this process means trusting my body and trusting that I'm nourishing myself appropriately. Ultimately I want to come to a point where I'm maintaining my healthy weight without needing to watch the number on the scale at all. Until I'm weight restored I know I need to make sure I'm still moving in the right direction, but not seeing that number for an additional 7 days, at this point in my journey, will not hurt me. I trust my body knows what it's doing. I trust that my weight won't suddenly spiral out of control. I trust that recovery and all the uncomfortable moments it brings is worth it. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Gearing up to go on a date and feeling a surge of good, "I can't believe I got here" vibes. I'll probably repost/recaption this but suffice it to say that both this outfit and this life look a lot better with a healthy body. Grateful. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Pretty sure that just throwing a piece of asparagus on top didn't really save the aesthetics of this pasta salad but..I tried?.. avocado, olive oil, tuna, asparagus, cabbage, + lots of salt&pepper. it's not fancy but it sure tastes good. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Gearing up for an awesome long weekend starting with a cuddly night in watching hockey and feeling awfully Canadian for it! Nothing but happy, real life, real living plans all weekend; garage sale hunting, sushi date, visiting with fam. It's all so good and so incredibly NORMAL. It's exactly what a person my age "should" be doing, instead of isolating and indulging a mental illness that does nothing but suck the life out of one. Nothing in my life is big or spectacular. I'm not over achieving- hell, I'm barely keeping up- but I'm so proud of where I'm at. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

There are pieces of my recovery, lots of them, that I don't talk about. Mostly it's because I don't see much benefit for anyone in my publicly verbalizing the really negative feelings and other times it's because I feel like I'll disappoint my followers if I admit where I'm still really struggling. This is one of the latter; I have some rituals in the morning and evening that I still compulsively do. They aren't eating disordered, per say, but they are debilitatingly constrictive. I avoid going out because I need to do my rituals. I forego real life experiences because I'm afraid of the consequences of not holding myself to the same strict routines. I'm working hard to combat it. What I find most interesting though is this; when I first moved into my new place, and about 25 minutes closer to work, I was so happy that now I would have time to do my rituals AND have an extra 25 minutes in the morning and evening to do something I actually enjoy, like watching tv and working on a puzzle. And that held true...for about a week. Then suddenly my rituals had stretched to encompass an extra 5 minutes. No big deal, I still had an extra 20, right? Slowly but surely my "free time" was chipped away until I was struggling to fit my rituals into the day. Free time didn't exist any more. I had given the disordered thoughts an inch and, inch by inch, they took a mile. As I'm reclaiming MY time now I can say only this; there is no compromise with mental demons. You cannot give them an "extra five minutes", "a couple bites less", or "just one more rep". You cannot.

Run of the mill dinner stirfry featuring all the random things sitting around my fridge. I do quite enjoy using up all the scraps and keeping my food waste to a bare minimum.
I've been bowled over by the surge of support I've received from the interwebs lately and it's making me so excited to get over this last bit of weight restoration so I can begin accepting and celebrating my healthy body in its natural shape. While I already consider myself a very "bopo" person, I feel like I'll only truly be able to spread that message when I'm living in MY body, not anorexia's. I love my body for surviving and carrying me through life and it's about damn time I treat it with the care it deserves. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Just had a moment while looking at a recent progress picture of "wow, I am so happy." Sometimes it just washes over me like a wave. There is so much to be grateful for in my life, and I'm not even talking about the "big things". It's the little moments of normalcy that I'm slowly earning back. It's coffee with a friend. It's being able to help my mom wash her windows. It's making future plans with my dad. It's all those little things that didn't exist in my "sick life". They all add up to something huge: a life I'm proud of. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Washed windows at my parents' place in exchange for asparagus and was not disappointed. Paired with the last of my smoked salmon, I couldn't have asked for a better dinner for this gorgeous summery day. Something about this changing season just brings so much relief and a feeling of freedom. It makes me WANT to do better and be better in my recovery as I imagine summer days spent laying outside eating ice cream and warm nights on patios enjoying dinner with friends. I know I will get there. I know I will come to a place in my life where I'm able to be that relaxed and easy going about food. I just need to keep working, pushing, and fighting for my recovery. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

I've got sunshine in my heart, I've got all the right people in my life and I've got nothing but optimism about the future. My experience of the eating disorder has always been cyclical; lose weight, be admitted, gain weight, be discharged, lose weight, repeat. Again and again. For ten years. Spring and summer was always when I was admitted to restart the gaining process and even now it inspires romantic ideas about the comfort the hospital once provided. How many beautiful summer days did I waste in a hospital bed or grinding my teeth over meal plans and increases? Too many to count. Not about to lose another one. This is my year, my summer, to finally live again. Forget endless appointments and IV's and bring on bathing suits and beaches. Bring on the life I was meant to live and the body I was meant to live it in. I'm ready. #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Yet another smoothie post which is actually just a shameless excuse to take advantage of the beautiful lighting situation that happens in my apartment around 6:15 pm. Sorrynotsorry. But today is a monumental day because I'm going to answer one of my least favorite questions!! Here it is folks: WHATS IN YOUR SMOOTHIE? Lately? Oranges (and some other stuff too). But seriously, how had I not realized earlier that citrus is amazing in smoothies?
I wish I had something deep and meaningful to post, but this is all I've got for today. ORANGES IN SMOOTHIES IS GUD! #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

Another big gain at today's weigh in but you know what? It doesn't touch me. I'm celebrating coming in to my true body. In treatment we were always taught strategies to "tolerate" the gain, to "tolerate" our bodies. I understand why; for many the idea of loving their body at a healthy weight is just so beyond imaginable that they don't bother trying to push it on people in recovery. But guess what? I don't WANT to tolerate my body, I want to celebrate it! My curves, my legs, my hips are all a part of me and all are worthy of love. There is nothing wrong with weight gain. There is nothing wrong with being a healthy weight. There is nothing wrong with my body. I am so encouraged by all the bopo accounts out there. It's an influence I never experienced before while in treatment and it's having an undeniably positive impact on my body image. For once in my life I am EXCITED to discover my natural, healthy shape! #edfree #edfamily #edrecovery #edsurvivor #anorexia #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #recover #realcovery #recoveryispossible #realrecovery #prorecovery #positiverecovery #edfighter #beatana #beatanorexia #recovery #eatingdisorder #foodisfuel #healthynotskinny #anorexianervosa #minniemaud #homeodynamictreatment

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