There are pieces of my recovery, lots of them, that I don't talk about. Mostly it's because I don't see much benefit for anyone in my publicly verbalizing the really negative feelings and other times it's because I feel like I'll disappoint my followers if I admit where I'm still really struggling. This is one of the latter; I have some rituals in the morning and evening that I still compulsively do. They aren't eating disordered, per say, but they are debilitatingly constrictive. I avoid going out because I need to do my rituals. I forego real life experiences because I'm afraid of the consequences of not holding myself to the same strict routines. I'm working hard to combat it. What I find most interesting though is this; when I first moved into my new place, and about 25 minutes closer to work, I was so happy that now I would have time to do my rituals AND have an extra 25 minutes in the morning and evening to do something I actually enjoy, like watching tv and working on a puzzle. And that held true...for about a week. Then suddenly my rituals had stretched to encompass an extra 5 minutes. No big deal, I still had an extra 20, right? Slowly but surely my "free time" was chipped away until I was struggling to fit my rituals into the day. Free time didn't exist any more. I had given the disordered thoughts an inch and, inch by inch, they took a mile. As I'm reclaiming MY time now I can say only this; there is no compromise with mental demons. You cannot give them an "extra five minutes", "a couple bites less", or "just one more rep". You cannot.