recoveringbirdy recoveringbirdy

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Birdy💫  "who fights can loose, who doesn't fight has already lost" 👯💘 584km 🗝 recovery, travel and lifestyle journal 🍃 outpatient @Schönklinikroseneck🏥

I wanna show you that it's possible to enjoy life again!
There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. But it is your own decision what you made out it!
Recovery isn't easy, i know
It shouldn't be easy to be amazing. Then everything would be. It's the things you fight for and struggle with before earning that have the greatest worth. When something's difficult to come by, you'll do that much more to make sure it's even harder―or impossible―to lose.

But we have seen how brightly light shines in the dark, how sweetly music fills the quiet. All these years you have known only shadow and silence, and we have so much to show you. To save you.

I am not worth saving.

We are all worth saving.

How can you know?

We cannot ever know, not truly.

But we have faith.

When we feel like giving up, like we are beyond help, we must remember that we are never beyond hope. Holding on to hope has always motivated me to keep trying. I have found this hope by connecting with others. I’ve found it not only in individuals who have dealt with eating disorders but also in people who have battled addictions and those who have survived abuse, cancer, and broken hearts. I have found much-needed hope in my passions and dreams for the future. Sometimes I’ve found it in prayer. Real hope combined with real actions has always pulled me through difficult times. Real hope combined with doing nothing has never pulled me through. In other words, sitting around and simply hoping that things will change won’t pick you up after a fall. Hope only gives you strength when you use it as a tool to move forward. Taking real action with a hopeful mind will pull you off the ground that eighth time and beyond.💫

Sometimes I feel proud of myself, not because of any success I’ve achieved, but because I’m aware of all the difficulties that I have suffered or went through.

I’m an eyewitness at all the fear, weakness, frustration, failure, depression, refraction and bad luck moments that I’ve been through alone and which affected significantly but never was able to beat me for so long.

This is why I’m proud, because I’m here now stronger that yesterday, I'm still able to stand and continue on my way, still following up my dreams, still trying my best to build better future for me and my family and I will never ever give up!

CIRCLES OF LIFE

Everything
Turns,
Rotates,
Spins,
Circles,
Loops,
Pulsates,
Resonates,
And
Repeats.

Circles
Of life,
Born from
Pulses
Of light,
Vibrate
To
Breathe,
While
Spiraling
Outwards
For
Infinity
Through
The lens
Of time,
And into
A sea
Of stars
And
Lucid
Dreams.

Maybe we're just falling stars, we once danced in the same skyline looking down at the world.
And we've fallen like all others, from near and far, we've gathered together, but separated by time and space, keeping a part of that light that we've came with and spreading it in this dark world that we've chosen to live in, in order to shine some light and love around.
Maybe we've chosen to believe one truth today, and find it to be false tomorrow.
Maybe we're trying to not get attached to the idea that we now know it all.
At night, we see the truth of where we've fallen from, gazing in that night sky full of distant stars, constellations, planets, the reflection of the sun on the moon, all with their own stories to tell. Sometimes we wonder why would we leave such a mysterious place, with an infinite amount of stories and wonders.
Maybe it's because as stars we could've only seen each other's light from afar, but here we can listen more carefully to each other's story, embrace each other and kiss, discover more and more of what can be seen when infinite star dust potential is put into one body and given freedom to walk the Earth and wander, love and enjoy every moment until coming back.
Maybe in the morning, we'll only see one star shining up there and forget the others.
Maybe that is also how life and death is, and the beauty of the sunrise and sunset that come in between, our childhood years and old years, when we reflect on the stars that we once were and that we will once again be.
Maybe, just maybe.✨

So from now on, screw "perfect." Forget for a while about what kind of person you want to be, and just be the best version of the person you are. Figure out which of your classmates you genuinely like (not who you want to like you), and get to know them by telling your own stories and listening to theirs. Hang out with the people you think are cool, not the people you'd like to be considered cool by. Do things because they interest you, not because they make you look interesting... and then, take stock in a month and see whether you're not happier, healthier, and working on some actual friendships with other imperfect-but-lovely humans
------------------------------------------------
Miss you so much my angel, soon you'll be here 🌸 love you 💘 @emmillionwords

Don't exist.
Live.
Get out, explore.
Thrive.
Challenge authority. Challenge yourself.
Evolve.
Change forever.
Become who you say you always will. Keep moving. Don't stop. Start the revolution. Become a freedom fighter. Become a superhero. Just because everyone doesn't know your name doesn't mean you dont matter.
Are you happy? Have you ever been happy? What have you done today to matter? Did you exist or did you live? How did you thrive?
Become a chameleon-fit in anywhere. Be a rockstar-stand out everywhere. Do nothing, do everything. Forget everything, remember everyone. Care, don't just pretend to. Listen to everyone. Love everyone and nothing at the same time. Its impossible to be everything,but you can't stop trying to do it all.
All I know is that I have no idea where I am right now. I feel like I am in training for something, making progress with every step I take. I fear standing still. It is my greatest weakness.
I talk big, but often don't follow through. That's my biggest problem. I don't even know what to think right now. It's about time I start to take a jump. Fuck starting to take. Just jump-over everything. Leap.
It's time to be aggressive. You've started to speak your mind, now keep going with it, but not with the intention of sparking controversy or picking a germane fight. Get your gloves on, it's time for rebirth. There IS no room for the nice guys in the history books.
THIS IS THE START OF A REVOLUTION. THE REVOLUTION IS YOUR LIFE. THE GOAL IS IMMORTALITY. LET'S LIVE, BABY. LET'S FEEL ALIVE AT ALL TIMES. TAKE NO PRISONERS. HOLD NO SOUL UNACCOUNTABLE, ESPECIALLY NOT YOUR OWN. IF SOMETHING DOESN'T HAPPEN, IT'S YOUR FAULT.
Make this moment your reckoning. Your head has been held under water for too long and now it is time to rise up and take your first true breath.
Do everything with exact calculation, nothing without meaning. Do not make careful your words, but make no excuses for what you say. Fuck em' all. Set a goal for everyday and never be tired.

Now it is time to say goodbye and leave the safe environment and the safe place.
I am so Thankful for all the people i met and who supported me and opened my eyes again and again.
Everybody of you is beautiful and unique.
Thanks to all the experiences, to all the fun moments, to all the deep conversations, to all constructive words. Thank you for always having someone who was by my side and picked me up again. Whenever I thought i can't do this anymore, you were there and convinced me by the contrary.
But in the end is was my own decision to fight against my illness!
Often I doubted, wanted to throw everything down and give up. Never open my eyes more and just fall asleep.
But i didn't!
I kept me up again I was dubbed and fought.
An inner struggle with myself began!
There were hard times, crying, anger, anxiety, disappointment, pride, malaise, feeling fat, fatigue,worthlessness, thoughts around the disease, self-hatred and obsession but also there was good days were i felt
stronger than ever, courageous, happy, confident, I could laugh again, have fun, and could think of other things than my illness.
After 8 months i am able to go home 🏡 again.
Yes i am nervos but i know it is time to leave my second home and stay in my life!! Because guys the clinic isn't a real home, it is a station, people go if they need help and there they help us to stay alive! But your real life is outside the clinic.
Now I'm free ! I will continue to fight and give my life a chance 🌸
I will tell you, never give up!
You can do everything if you only want

Spent a wonderful day in rosenheim along with my angel♥️ We strolled through the town, went shopping and eating cake in a cute café.
We laughed a lot and i felt so free. I'm really excited for starting my new life at home 🏡 but I think it's time for leaving my save place and make the next step!

My dear ,
You are born wild and free, You do not deserve to be tamed!

Tell yourself,

You do not deserve this!

All those toxic words you have to listen from people,

All those fears they try to pin on your mind,

All those giggles they aim at your dreams,

All those perfect bodys and perfect eating wise,
All those judgmental stares inspecting your individuality,

All those fingers pointing towards your crude character,

All those shackles that tie your feet to social expectations,

All those cages that do not let your imagination fly free,

Listen deeply, you do not deserve any of it.

My dear, you do not deserve this hostility.

You are born wild and free, You do not deserve to be tamed!

Dream me back to this heavenly fruit cake, which i had for afternoonsnack 😏🍰🥝🍐🍑with my honey @katisrecovery

A little retrospective to winter.
At this time, I was quite different like today. I do not just mean the weight, I also mean a lot more what happened in my head!
Back there I was not sure if I ever want to be free or if i am ever be sure that I can let the illness go away...
But time passed since September where i got inpatient I've learned a lot, i'd make so many experiences, struggling a lot with my weight gain and my body who changed more and more to a normal body and yes there were good days and there were terrible days, there were days when I just wanted to return to my lowest weight and just want to throw everything but then there were also the days when I was strong as never and thought I can do this!
I wanted to be healthy and then I have surmounted myself to do things that have become difficult for me but this things put me forward and beaten Me back to life!
I know there will still be a long way and I know that things are still very difficult and also my weight is very hard for me to accept but I know I can make it and I've got the strength to get ahead
I've given the disease a lot of time
I've invested in it everything.
I realized thats just to forget my real feelings and just to feel better for one moment
I've never really been satisfied with myself, no matter if I'm starving Or whether I was normal.
It's not my body it is my attitude which made everything hard...
On 9th may I will be outpatient ,on the one hand I'm very happy to finally start my new life but on the other hand I'm afraid what will be at home. I'm afraid to disappoint again and not to create it again .
There are still many things that are difficult for me and often I am still guided by the disease but I never give up and I believe this is the point, again and again stand up and it will never be easy but I know that if I can not manage i have to come back and I do not want to throw my life away without I've lost so much through it: my friends, my happyness, my hobbies, my sister and so much more...
Now it is time to get out of this safety place!
I'm so afraid that I'm only alone, but if I never dare to start then nothing will change, I have to go out into my life and fight!

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