My neighbor’s WiFi network name is glorious. It will also be the premise for my screenplay, Real HouseWiFi, a rom-com wherein I become obsessed with the name of my neighbor’s WiFi, then do invasive things to figure out their identity. I discover he’s Michael B Jordan, and trick him into falling in love with me. Of course, there’s a hiccup in Act 2, when he discovers the crazy steps I took to woo him and he’s rightly alarmed, but after some time apart I realize I can’t live without him. Then I get Kenya Moore to show up at his big work event to help me give a grand but totally embarrassing and inappropriate for the context monologue littered with Housewives references to successfully win him back. And I do, even though I really don’t deserve him.