Look. There's no other way to slice it. 2016 was a f*cked up year. Prince AND David Bowie died, yet Kenny G is still alive for some reason. Plus all the election stuff happened. I think it's time for a new voice in the White House. Someone who isn't necessarily qualified but honestly would do a great job, c'mon now, that's true. "But MT," they say, "what are your policies and positions?" Gather round children.
1. I have never taken money from a billionaire. Because I don't know any. Could one of you guys maybe put me in touch with some?
2. Six months paid maternity and paternity leave. Bump that up to a year if you adopt a nice doggie.
3. When I'm president, it will be ILLEGAL to compare politics to Harry Potter or Game of Thrones. I will reopen Guantanamo Bay to puni- wait, it's still open? Hasn't Obama been talking about closing it for like a decade? Christ.
So there you go. If you've already voted, it's not to late to call up the government and ask for another ballot. And if you haven't voted yet, well, what else can I say? These two letters will do more for you than any two have since the "US& #34; , with a little help from their friend, of "A& #34; , was founded. #VoteMT