Happy birthday to me!
I literally woke up like this on my 27th birthday and to be honest I’m pretty happy with what I see! (It may have taken some pillow plumping and 150 photos at different angles, but still...) I get a lot of anxiety over birthdays, it’s a time when the ego is sent into overdrive. Issues of vanity and narcissism, popularity and quantitative evaluation. I’m sitting with these feelings and I’m not going to try and fight human emotions. I don’t have to be virtuous and humble if I don’t want to be by trying to deny what I’m feeling, or by saying that these thoughts make me a bad person. I have no control sometimes over my feelings, and that is normal, it’s if I chose to let them manifest into destructive behaviour which is where my power lies. So I can be sad that I haven’t received a card or presents, even though I never send any out and tell people I don’t need/want them, and I’m allowed to be a hypocritical, contradictory mess. But it’s my choice to think they are measures of importance. And deep down they aren’t important to me. My emotional growth is more important. My relationships are more important. My self worth is more important.
I’m powerful today. On any other day I would feel silly putting that out into the world, but today is a day for me to celebrate 27 years of surviving life. It’s my day to admit my resilience of what I have endured but it’s a day to think about how I can allow some softness into my life and be ok to let my guard down.
I’m excited for the things I’ve still yet to learn and achieve, but I’m going to start concentrating on what’s happening now.
So happy birthday to me!
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