While being reminded of how fortunate I am, amidst so many incoming birthday messages from across the globe, I thought it timely to tell you a little story.
In 1999 I met this raver hip hop queen, and after the most arduous courting dance ever we finally started dating. In 2006, eleven years ago, we got married with four wedding ceremonies over two coasts totaling nine events. We are so lucky to have three beautiful children in our lives, the support of our parents and siblings, and the friendship of people we’ve called family for decades.
The reality, however, is that the work that goes into two careers, three small children, and keeping the fire burning with your lover is immense and can be so hard. The last year has been really tough and the hardest in our eighteen year journey. It’s not something you’re going to see on Facebook or social media because let’s be honest, Facebook and social media, while useful with merits (especially on your birthday - ahem), can be a mirage of reality.
There’s a veneer of optimism shared to the world in the pursuit of getting likes, chuckles, hearts and wows. Everyone plays at different levels but the reality is that it’s still a game. Real life and death don’t happen with glossy photos of smiling children or majestic exotic vacations.
Real life happened to me alone with my partner where we made the decision I made when I first met her. The decision to put in work and do whatever is possible to stay together.
We have problems. Everyone has problems.
We are working to tackle those problems and I'm proud to admit that we’ve been speaking to a therapist as part of our journey of staying together. It’s the first time in my life and it wasn’t an easy thing. I’ve learned a lot about myself and it’s helping us look towards each other instead of looking away, helping us get through a challenging time, helping us fight to stay together.
Life can be a fight and getting help is not a weakness. I have no shame in my feelings that wether it’s by family, community, or yourself - do what ever it takes to get any help you can. Life can be a fight and getting help is not a weakness.Help each other. Help yourself. Let me know how I can help