One night, almost 4 years ago... There was an incident in my bathroom, that included alcohol and pure Rage.
I nearly died.
When I came home from the hospital, it hit me that this "incident" and a lot of the shitty circulating circumstances in my former life happened as a result of alcohol+other "intoxicant"..... Yes, I enjoyed to drink. I drank automatically at dinners, partys, events, simply when others did. And then I let out all kind of feelings, mostly self-hate and anger, borders disappeared, the little self-control I had was gone. I was looking for heaven, found the Devil in me. And I thought "Do whatever you want with me, as long as you say that you LOVE ME!"
I felt so fucking stupid! Am I willing to risk my life just to get close to somebody(?) even if it was brutal, being raped by who-the-fuck-ever... I realized I was in deep shit, unable to swim anymore ... JUst SICK of the smell... So after that night I quit drinking. Not even a sip for years.
And that was definitely a really good initiative from my side by then. Because the next few years (until quite recently) was a huge "test" for me. I would become totally dependent on remembering, be attentive and trust myself. If I had been drunk when this storm came ... Then I would't made it out alive...... with all certainty.
But right at this moment, I'm enjoying - a cold Bacardi Breezer, sitting under a palmtree. But I don't want to get drunk anymore. However there is a HUGE different between who I was back then & who I'm at this very moment. Because most of all I enjoy thinking straight, see clearly, be allert, show myself some Respect! and acually have my own i.n.t.e.g.r.i.t.y..... To start thinking like this, and accept it took me 31 years.
I tend to say pretty often "You can never pass the same river twice..."
...everything in the world is in constant change, every single little cell in our bodys. And that gives me Hope... May the Gods everywhere BLess every single one of you! 🙏🏼😘☮💗🕉 #sober #todaysstory #youcanchange #blessyou #bacardibreezer #hope