I just found out the bassist of my first band, "end seat" has passed on... this is a huge loss for me on so many levels. Adam bretall was such an incredibly driven and talented person who could play any instrument and even being able to be in a band with him as I became an adult completely shaped the way I approach music even today. Danilo and Adam bretall were both angels. They had this approach to music which was so pure and inspired every single person around them whether they liked them or not by just being themselves. I went on tour with Adam bretall to slab city for 3 days to play my first real hardcore live shows in an empty skate bowl and we lived like nomads in the desert. Very very clearly I am amazed by how blessed I am to create with such incredible people and gain such closeness to them. That same closeness hurts me now as I mourn but I very very clearly see and feel from God that big things are aligning for me in the universe which no one can stop anymore. No evil eye or jealousy can hurt me or stop me in music any more because I have two G.O.Ds looking down on me from the higher realms of consciousness directing me to continue to creatively direct in this world. Loss is so powerful, I am really angry but I know my kings in heaven are guiding me to have the most cathartic art which I for the first time feel extremely drawn to bring to mainstream culture. I have so much to say, so much to express. I am petty like everyone and don't assume positions of righteousness but I always knew I was brought and born by god to handle immense pain and transform it. However Besides the inevitable loss I am no longer ever enabling suffering ideologies in my mind. I will feel and grow and express and sometimes that can be petty & dark but part of being human is exactly this. When I speak of suffering ideologies I speak of limiting internal beliefs that I have to please anyone or cater to their means of expression. I wasn't born for that. My mentors didn't die for that. Music is not about aesthetic or materialism at all. Despite what the words of songs even say. Spiritually I have officially grown too big too fast to even pretend I'm not a spiritual being anymore.