I use this Instagram as an "escape" where I can be real, open, and honest with how I feel and with my thoughts (when I don't share my posts to Facebook).
I figured I would address what's been happening with me lately, as I've been having a very rough time dealing with life in general.
I'm not trying to sound like a sob story in the least, but I've been struggling with depression since late March, and have had suicidal thoughts that started in September of 2016 and recently emerged again in mid May, which were very strong and really scared me.
My roommate is also moving to England for two years and I had to move home, 45 minutes away from my job that I love, back to a place that I hate. I watched an amazing woman pass away from cancer in the same exact way my mom did, and it had a bigger effect on me than I originally anticipated. I'm also am going through the biggest heartbreak of my life, I feel really lost, hurt and kind of helpless in a way and my anxiety is at an all time high about it.
I have no appetite, I weigh 131lbs as of this morning, which is the lowest I've been in 2 years; I usually sit at around 143. I'm not purposely refraining from eating, I just feel sick when I force myself to. I've been on my period going on 4 weeks now, so I can tell all the stress I'm going through is having a severe effect on my body. I'm also on antidepressants, which I tried to avoid for the longest time because I was convinced I didn't need medicine to get my mental state right. I'm also going to therapy and talking to this wonderful woman and she's been helping a lot.
So again, I'm sorry if you see a lack of posts, but I appreciate all of the direct messages from you guys asking me if I've been okay.
I will be okay, I just need time.
Sorry that this is so long but I consider you guys my friends and you guys have been messaging me, and it's crazy how even strangers can tell that there's something off with someone.
Thank you for your patience.
I love you guys.