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pillfox pillfox

387 posts   48480 followers   494 followings

P I L L F O X  🎀 Hot-but-psycho young professional embracing my anonymous alter-ego by creating relatable memes + captions for millennials. 💼 PillfoxMedia@gmail.com

xanax is bad 4 u so is debt but i have a fuck ton of both sooooo

It is time. I am ready to wed. Wait hold on tho what’s ur last name? #alsoyourfirstname #fuckitjustgivemeyourcreditcard #thanksimurwifenow

Last year I made a bowl out of an apple and stole some of the weed my aunt was growing out of her bathroom. I smoked it in the driveway crouched down hidden between a Porsche Cayenne and an F150. This year I’m about to pop an adderall to stay sharp and “watch my drinking” while I feast (or try to, that appetite suppression is a bitch) with the county’s congressional elite. Would much rather be smoking a j with @lvcifers_revenge and petting @bayranz’s dog in between servings of his ~stuffing~. Follow them both! #becausetheyregreat #andidbedownforagangbang #butonlyoneofthemwouldlikeit #hedbreakhisneck #weirdithoughteveryonelikedme #butimlikereallypretty #kindofacuntthoughtbh #actuallynotreallyimsupernice #okayimdonesorrythatwastheamphetamines

ME TONIGHTTTTT! About to roll out of bed solely for the mimosa I’m about to make and then get started on pretending I’m domestic af and snapchatting shit my mom baked and saying I made it from scratch! Cheers to family arguments and having to pretend you’ve got your life together when you sure as FUCK do not! Yay! Turkeys! Yay! Being a fat fuck! Yay! Parades! Yay! Family disappointment and political disagreements! #someonesgonnagetexiled #wasgonnasayshot #butweretoorichforthat #weusepoisonforourmurders #easiertocoverup #whyisitturkeysandnotturkies #honestlyaproblem #imgonnawritealetter //FOLLOW ME IF YA DON’T! I’ll be ~v thankful~ 💋🌽🍾🏈🍂 @pillfox

I mean tbh I don’t really blame Rose’s mom for being like “plz marry for money & try and avoid conflict” because at this point all we can really hope for is diamonds and fancy cruise ships seeing as the vast majority of men are giant fuckboys just trying to get you to go down on them faster than the Titanic sank. But instead of an iceberg it’s actually a fat rock of blow and instead of the Great Hope Diamond around ur neck it’s actually the Great HOE Diamond and SURPRISE it’s actually cumshot aimed for ur chest and now it’s in your hair oh my god it’s solidifying get the coconut oil IT BURNS GO NOW. #andquick #aboutasquickashelasted #thatburningfeelingisactuallychlamydia #grabaZpacktoo #onefornowoneforlater #justincase// FOLLOW MEEEE IF YA DON’T @pillfox I’ll be 4ever ~thankful~

Can only be described as EXCITING TERROR! Oh goody time to get my screen shot fingers at the ready! Good god what a catastrophe. Can’t. Look. Away. Good thing they usually provide long-ass paragraphs. Oh sweetie, that motel is NOT #vacationgoals and that bottle was definitely split between six of your precious #MCMs. Poor dear, it’s not Jesus whose gonna work things out for you that’s your case worker and this is the Department of Families KNOCK KNOCK here to take your 4 year old you left home while you “ran an errand” with a drug dealer named Rico Suave. #blessed. But yeah plz don’t unfriend me I really need the reassurance that I’m not doing as terribly as the millennial standards I live my life by lead me to believe I am and you’re a solid comparison point seeing as I never went to med school and my nudes could leak at any minute. 😳🤷🏼‍♀️ #alsoguyslookimsoinclusive #firstmulticulturalmeme #vproud

In the wise words of our Lord Savior Snoop Dogg, “let me hit you with a couple hypotheticals”: Would you rather slide down a thirty foot long razor blade slicing open your back, only to fall into a vat of rubbing alcohol and need serious reconstructive surgery but you’ll live but you’ll have a fat fucking scar, ORRRRR eat a raw, frozen ratcicle every day for the rest of your life? #commentreply // PS suicide isn’t a fucking joke (okay fine it’s kind of a funny in meme context), life blows but like sometimes it’s good and we have people who love us (literally like I love you) even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes so on those days call the super nice humans at the suicide hotline at 800-273-TALK xoxo pillfox loves u

Me when I accidentally-on-purpose start a political conversation at thanksgiving but have literally no fucking clue what I’m talking about... “OKAY AUNT SUSAN I MAY NOT KNOW THE MINUTE DETAILS OF GUN OWNERSHIP LAWS BUT I DO KNOW ABOUT YOUR LITTLE “SPA GETAWAY” TO REHAB! SoOoOoO there.” It’s a little difficult for me to be “thankful” when I’m pettier than Donald J Trump and Regina George’s love child. I’ll be spending this Thanksgiving focusing on every single mild inconvenience in my life. What a glorious time for me to dredge up traumatic childhood memories and cope with my confusing and conflicted feelings with large amounts of fireball whisky in a “celebration” of family! Fuck yeah pass that gravy, cousin-who-I-“played”-doctor-with-when-I-was-6!

Me, jaw agape, encrusted with saliva: VWAT YEAR IZ EET?!

12/10 would watch the fuck out of. We could called it “Cropped”, as in, my make up slays so hard i had to crop literally everyone else out of the picture because the sole focus should always and unequivocally be on me. Now give me a “natural glow” using only three toe nails from the back left haunch of a retired hippogriff and the remnants of the coagulated semen leftover from last week’s fuckboy. // ps make ur friends follow me thanksssss

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