It doesn’t matter that it’s been years since you’ve passed away. I still think about you all the time. I still wish you were here. Everything would be so different if you were still alive.
If you were still alive, I wouldn’t have to push the happy memories away, because they’re too painful to replay in my head.
If you were still alive, there would be one less date that made me burst into tears every single year. Your birthday would be the only date that reminded me of you, and we’d have a hell of a good time celebrating.
If you were still alive, there’d be one more person for me to call whenever I needed a designated driver. One more person to scream at me for acting like an irresponsible kid. One more person to make me feel like I’d be missed if anything ever happened to me.
If you were still alive, I wouldn’t have pushed certain people away. I wouldn’t be as pessimistic and cold as I am now. I wouldn’t be so terrified of losing someone again, someone I care.
But if you were still alive, I might not have realized that the whole “live each day like it’s your last” mindset is legit. That I need to treasure every moment while I still can and tell my family I love them as much as possible.
As much as I miss you, I’m thankful for what you taught me while you were here, and what you’re continuing to teach me now that you’re gone.
Credits Holly Riordan, the author of the book If You Were Still Alive.