palomaalcantar palomaalcantar

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Paloma Alcantar 

This picture was taken last year, around a time where I was really unsure about myself and the path I was taking. Anxiety and paranoia would keep me up at night. It would interfere with the relationship with myself and others. Much later on, I realized that if life wasn’t going to give me the answers, I would have to search for them myself. So, I decided to learn about me— my bad habits, my fears, the things I love and value most, the reason why I do what I do. It was, and continues to be, a really uncomfortable, funny and beautiful process. At the end of the day, my anxiety made me question everything. Those questions you ask yourself in bed before you go to sleep. “Am I doing enough?” “Did I have a successful day?” “What about the future?” “What about my existence and purpose?” The answers to those questions changed all the time. Some days, I would feel like shit because I didn’t go out of my way to make a huge difference in the world. I would shame myself for the smallest, irrational things. I felt like if I wasn’t moving efficiently enough, that I was wasting time, and if I didn’t utilize my time by being the best at every single thing, that I was a failure. But how things turn out in every situation isn’t always gonna be within my control. I can improve my behavior and my mindset, but I can’t change others, or the way the world works. All I can do is try my best. To me, as of this moment, success is finding a way to grow, connect with other people and contribute something to society. Success is also in the little things— having good conversations with people that remind me of my future. Making sure that I walk down a hallway with confidence, and grace. Reminding myself when I’m feeling anxious and desperate to look at my emotions from a practical perspective and get to the bottom of the issue. I used to feel insecure when people would ask me what I’ve been up to. I felt like I wasn’t physically doing much compared to them because a lot of the issues I dealt with were mostly internal. But it doesn’t matter if my idea of success sounds big to them, because it’s fucking big to me. That’s success in a day for me.

Like a French movie

My favorite couple


Long hot summer


Miss you

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