Instagram post by @thejoywarrior rosemary

And this is so true. I am 3 weeks post op today and I am messy. All of me is messy. And the untold story is that I feel broken inside. My 20 minutes a head each day feels less and less. I keep telling my self “rest but don’t quit”, and that feels ridiculous. And I know that I am not the only person on the planet who has felt this way. The other shoe is dropping. I feel this enormous weight inside of me that feels like this burden is too much to bear. Like I am coming up for air and there is no air. I can’t catch my breath. And it’s not just the mental and emotional stomp on my chest. The pain in my head is worsening. And that word “time” is making me so angry and I am so tired. .
My untold story is not a pity party. It’s the real life story of a fallen warrior. Don’t you just feel like this sometimes? I just feel like a fraud sometimes because I can’t find those tiny spectacular moments. I can’t choose Joy because I don’t feel like it. I don’t want to do any of it. I just want to lay in the valley. I just valley. I just want to can’t my breath. I can’t catch my breath. And I am full. And I am so tired. And that’s real life. My 20 minutes is dwindling. All of me is tired. My f😖ck face and all of those nerves are on the warpath again. My ohmyhells are switching to “fuckity fuck fuck fucks”. Pardon my French. My days are too long. Three weeks out & it feels like miles to go before I sleep. This is behind the “I need help”. #Joywarrior #vulnerability #wekeepgoing #theaftermath #reallife #theuntoldstory

51 Comments

  • 12w ago sevenstars8jane sevenstars8jane

    Loving you, Sister.💗

  • 12w ago tammiteravest tammiteravest

    Hold on. Nothing more. Just hold on to any tiny piece of hope and faith. Know that that’s enough right now❤️❤️❤️

  • 12w ago kashu215 kashu215

    Sometimes I hate life, I hate that you feel so much pain...I feel your pain deep in my heart and down to the seed of my soul. I know the emotional pain and it rips my deepest fibers. My pain is real, your pain is real. Right now life sucks. We must plow through all the wickedness of the emotional shit. We must have hope and faith as it’s the only thread to hold onto. No joy right now and that’s ok. Praying for you, me, and everyone who is trying to breath under water right now. My love and prayers to you. Thanks for sharing your reality, as fucked up as it is at this moment! Bless you Joy.

  • 12w ago moon_lovin_mama moon_lovin_mama

    💙🙏🏼💙🙏🏼💙🙏🏼💙🙏🏼💙
    I wish I could help you.

  • 12w ago shar.boyle shar.boyle

    You don’t always have to be strong! Because um, you’re human! You’re still brave and tough and joyful!!! You are loved !!

  • 12w ago momma.x3.e.m.n momma.x3.e.m.n

    So true! You are amazing and I am thankful for your words of wisdom.

  • 12w ago chrissybstory chrissybstory

    You are strong. You are brave. Just by being honest and a truth teller. Love you❤️

  • 12w ago 18tjettagrl 18tjettagrl

    We are here for you to vent to, cry to, be angry, break down and let you know you are loved. You've been through so much. We are with you n this journey. Hugs and love!❤❤❤

  • 12w ago susancimmino susancimmino

    @rgoodstein all of this. Rosemary, I wish I could take away your pain. I really do. And it’s totally ok not to feel joy, but please try to keep that flicker of hope alive. I know it’s hard but I believe you can get through this. You have so many people rallying for you. Please DM me if you need anything. Sending love and support to you and your family. 💕🙏🏻

  • 12w ago thesuburbanmonk thesuburbanmonk

    Keep sharing my beautiful Ro. Keep sharing. Prayers flooding in. 💜💜💜

  • 12w ago libertysandersbain libertysandersbain

    Hate the pain. Love the story.💛

  • 12w ago billiestory billiestory

    Baby sister, keep breathing. Don't dwindle in the valley. I'm going to swim laps in the pool and pray prayers to my God for you. Keep looking for the moments please. Are you getting away to the basket? I's it quiet there? Keep looking for the moments. They have to be there. I love you. 💙

  • 12w ago hannrebekah hannrebekah

    Hold on, it is darkest before the dawn. Much love and prayers coming to you.

  • 12w ago lorigriffin2 lorigriffin2

    I love you.

  • 12w ago kbmajesky kbmajesky

    Have u heard of the Japanese practice of repairing broken objects with gold? They honor the broken with the most expensive glue they can use to put it back together. I guarantee at some point the broken objects want to tell the person putting them together with melted gold to fuck off. Your truth is beautiful and sharing ur valley moments is giving hope to other souls in that valley with you. And pls, with all you're going thru use fuck with abandon 😉

  • 12w ago heidi_rae24 heidi_rae24

    Do you know what I love? You. I love you. All of you. The broken you. The angry you. The scared you. The vulnerable you. I would say to you - lay in the valley... rest there for now... we will all come to you, wherever you are.

  • 12w ago embracing_my_wings embracing_my_wings

    Just valley Hon. Letting yourself NOT warrior for joy is a kind of joy too. It's relief from having to do anything. You've done your showing up. This is not being a fraud. This is you living up to every single thing you've ever said. To warrior for you includes moments like this when you can't. You've done your part. Valley some more. Dispense as many fucks as you want. You've earned every last fucking one. ❤️❤️❤️

  • 12w ago jennyderr jennyderr

    Oh sweet friend. Reading your raw honest truth is so hard. And if it’s hard to read the hard to be living it has to be exponentially worse. FUCKING FUCK FACE!!!! 🤬🤬🤬🤬 big love and peace for you. May you find even minutes of respite. 💙

  • 12w ago ana.lppk70 ana.lppk70

    @thejoywarrior I cry with you, I lay in The Valley with you and I feel like a complete fraud! BUT, we must keep coming up for air. Time is very slow now, your nerves are at war, but you are the best soldier I’ve had the honor to know in this battle. Rest beautiful warrior and come up for air. ALWAYS TELL YOUR STORY. I love you, I love me, I love us 💙🦋🌻💫

  • 12w ago grannieiswright grannieiswright

    I'm joining the crowd to help hold a space for you! So appreciate getting to share your journey. Hope you can hold on for a while more! Sending healing love hugs through Instagram! Wish I could do more.

  • 12w ago ninalinville ninalinville

    I hope you can feel my love and hug i am sending to you! You are a true warrior ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • 12w ago mckennah mckennah

    Rosemary, my heart hurts for you. I am so sorry you are in so much pain. I wish there was something I could do to comfort you. I am holding you in my heart 💙

  • 12w ago catgirly catgirly

    Rosemary-words seem so inadequate. I’m praying for relief, comfort and peace for you on every level. Love you and your amazing heart my friend. ♥️

  • 12w ago ediematy ediematy

    Praying for you to feel some relief. I hate TN.

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @shepulsipher 💙💙💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @naturalnavigator I feel it. The support. The love. I am so very blessed. I am just in another “worst” wave of it. And I am so tired. This part of the training ground is so very hard. And I do find comfort in knowing I am never really alone. I love you!

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @lilygalleigh This I know!😘

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @suebnelson 💙💙💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @heal.2.live Erica- i know you get this need to feel the fucks and ohmyhell, I really am. I just can’t do anything but. Thank you for getting it. I’m loving you right back! 💙💙💙💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @jessicaelam81 I fucking hate it too, Jessica. And you had the words and I’m grateful for them. I’m loving you right back! 💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @rgoodstein Hugging Rachael- loving you too! 💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @haley.yoga Haley- I don’t consider any of you strangers. You’re my people💙- my tribe. Thank you for embracing my truth. The place I am in is a hard place to be- it’s hard to see past it. And yet. Big LOVE to you, always! 💙

  • 12w ago ali.luvz.much ali.luvz.much

    You inspire me. I can't imagine. You are in my thoughts and prayers! I dont know you but I feel for you & hope for you.

  • 12w ago bearclaw4 bearclaw4

    Like so many others here, I'm wishing hoping and praying for some relief for you! And just so you know--your truth, your honesty, that's why we're here. Not because you're perfect. Not because we hold you on a pedestal. Just keep on being real. And keep fighting the good fight. We love you! 💙💙💙💙💙

  • 12w ago juliecleveland juliecleveland

    Sweet, sweet Amazing and inspiring soul sister. I pray for you every day. I thank God for you every day. I want to remind you that you are amazing, beautiful and your truth and vulnerability make you even more inspiring and glorious. I promise you will not always feel this way. The pain will dissipate. I am believing that God has you walking through the fire right now so that when you emerge on the other side you will be even more beautiful and spectacular. You will shine even more. His glory will shine even more brightly through you, as you realize, and come into your true purpose. I have learned that we can only realize our God given purpose, after we journey through the fire. Sweet Sister, your God given purpose is EXTRA special, and important, because you are sharing your journey with us. You are allowing us to walk with you as you heal. Thank you. I am healing with you. Further, I am remembering another truth: The only place where there is rest, grass, water, nourishment and community, is the valley. We are not alone when we find ourselves in the valley. Rather, the valleys of life, are where we heal, grow, get strength and are changed for the better. The valleys of life are where we are strengthened. Where we gird to prepare to climb to the next peak. I love you. I love us! And so today, I myself choose joy for you, and for me. I am standing in the gap for you, dear sister. You rest. We, your beloved community, will carry and hold your joy. Along with our joy. Multiplied joy! You are not ever, EVER alone. Thank you for bringing me, and us, along on this journey. There is joy in community. There is also love here. 💕 Rest. Allow yourself to rest and heal. We have you. God has you. God TOTALLY HAS YOU! Curl up in His gentle loving arms. 💜😇💜 Heal. I am so proud of you sweet sister. So very, VERY PROUD of you! I choose joy because..... I can. Thank you for teaching me this forever truth! 💕🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

  • 12w ago 4smbwellness 4smbwellness

    Oh my do you inspire. I’ve never met you yet send love to you and courage for wherever your path leads you.

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @stephanie.s7 Stephanie, I am humbled and honored to be held in the same Light as Maya. And I feel even more so to be held by this beautiful tribe of hearts & Light carriers. I hold you in my heart. And I thank God we are walking together. I really do. I adore you💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @sevenstars8jane Loving you right back, Janelle!💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @tammiteravest And that’s all I’m doing Tammi. Sending love💙💙💙

  • 12w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @juliecleveland This is such a beautiful love letter. I am so touched. It spoke right to the most weary parts of me. Every single word. Thank you. I know that God has forever had a hand on me. The power of prayer has kept me here. Choosing joy has been my saving grace. And my time in the valley is giving me time to rest. To just be. To be still. And to find strength. Sometimes that word that I am “strong” felt like so much pressure. I needed a new word. Like courageous, persistent. You know? Thank you for teaching me. For loving me. For walking this path with me, step by step. I am so grateful. So blessed. You are so loved. So precious. So needed! 💙💙💙

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