Instagram post by @thejoywarrior rosemary

Leveling up does sound more badass. Last year at this time, I was finding my way living w the effects of a brain surgery gone terribly wrong & 2 new neuralgias of my cranial nerves. Life was so tricky & I was trying desperately to find the magic in so much mess. I was relieved that choosing joy was in my bones & it pissed me off terribly. I continued on finding the dance & tug-o-war w joy & pain and all the feels & fuck shows in between. And w every “sorry” I got from my neurologist, I grew more pissed & I had Bardie who insisted every stone be unturned. Fast forward to finding my way to CA & the mad skills of Dr. Linskey. To work w him seemed to be a dream unattainable. It also seemed a bit crazy to want a 4th brain surgery given the outcome of 3 previous ones. And yet. So I did it. Tomorrow marks 3 weeks post op of a 5 pack MVD brain surgery. And I am in the midst of the ohmyhellss & depression has kicked in & the appetite is gone & I. Am. Struggling. And today I turn 42. I level up. What have I done for my birthday? Yesterday, Bardie (Mommy) brought me this new laundry basket. It’s like the one I had in CA. The one I grew to love. Comfort. And then she took me to my neurologist to discus meds. I’m starting on a new antidepressant bc I need help. And a sleep aid that also helps my mood. I need all the help I can get right now. And we are asking for it. That’s leveling up worthy, right? If there is one thing I have learned over the past year besides the AND/BOTHS & that joy & pain exist at the same time & that even though letting go is sometimes harder than holding on- we still let go. That even when I feel like I just can’t do it anymore- I can. Ive found there is so much grace is asking for what we need. It doesn’t mean we are weaker. It means we are stronger. It means we are more of a Warrior than we ever imagined we could be. I’m struggling so very much right now. And I’m still looking for those tiny spectacular moments. I’m finding joy in the agony. Healing after brain surgery. Clinging for hope when I am just too tired to keep tying knots at the end of my ropes. AND asking for help. I’m leveling up. Twenty minutes at a time. #Joywarrior

73 Comments

  • 17w ago missy0378 missy0378

    Happy Birthday 🎉 I hope you had a wonderful day! I can’t think of anyone I would rather share my birthday with. You inspire and amaze me. I have a small glimpse of the pain you feel. Nerve pain is the worst. I deal with it on the daily, down my legs. In no way am I comparing your pain to mine. It certainly put my pain in prospective. I choose joy and I don’t let it stop me. You are in my prayers and I hope that you heal soon and find some relief and less pain. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Big hugs!

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @thesuburbanmonk I love you! You are so kind and so precious! 😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @forwardstreet Thanks Jill! 😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @embracing_my_wings Thank you, Yvon! It was a day. I’ve never been a fan of my birthday. I love this tribe and being in the midst of you all & lifted. Best gift of all. Love you💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @running.through.it Thank you so very much Nancy💙 Sending love to you!

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @joyannarose Awww! Thank you, Joyanna. That means so very much to me! 😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @ecewing Love you Ellen. You are such a gift! 💙💙😘💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @bardie_ 💙💙💙And TTMAB to you, Mommy!

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @sherylcoles Thanks Sheryl!! 😉

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @paullaestes Well Happy Belated Birthday to your Dad. It was a day. And in the evening I was blessed to see my son sing his last chorus performance of middle school. That was priceless! Sending love to you! 💙😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @kort.show Thanks so much Kortney! Sending big LOVE to you! 💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @widaad_kriel Thanks Darlin!😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @mamparks Thank you Ashley!

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @art.kirchmann Thank you! I am so very humbled and honored by your words. Sending big LOVE to you! 😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @ninalinville Thanks Nina. You are so precious and kind!💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @laurapward Thanks so much Laura. Loving you!

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @amyjo_m Sending much love to you, Amy! Thank you.💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @midlifemania Thanks Judy! You are so kind.💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @bebekat Thanks Katy! You are a gift. Day by day. Tiny spectacular moments. The Joy is always there, we just have to be willing to see it!😉💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @sdeelee And I’m sending much love right back to you!💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @billiestory We could have spent the day twinning in our baskets. I miss you. I miss CA. You are such a gift to my heart. I replay our time together often. Let’s plan on seeing each other in August. In the meantime- text or call. You are so loved. You are held. 💙🤣

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @christinassoulcreations Thanks Christina! Sending big LOVE to you😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @kashu215 Sharon, you are so precious and I adore you. I’ve had many many blessings along the way. A huge blessing is being a part of such a beautiful strong tribe built of fellow Warriors. Women to travel with and be real with. An everyday blessing. Loving you!💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @lovespurple60 You are so kind, Debbie. Big LOVE!💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @barbbloves Thanks Darlin!💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @kerbear_8 Thanks Darlin!💙😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @kateyospe Thanks! The Joy is always there, we just have to be open to it. Or save it for later😉 Sending love to you! 😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @michellez78 Thanks Michelle! 😘

  • 17w ago moon_lovin_mama moon_lovin_mama

    Wishing you all the best things for this new level of love you get to enter 💙🎊💙🎊💙 you are wonderful!!

  • 17w ago wepersisted4 wepersisted4

    Reading your journey you have fought hard to level up. Unfortunately the hard part isn’t over. Thanks for sharing your joy despite your pain. Praying you get relief soon and your healing continues.

  • 17w ago essentiallyandi essentiallyandi

    You truly are a warrior on so many levels.

  • 17w ago apriljcordova apriljcordova

    Happy birthday dear warrior! Your strength and vulnerability inspire me. I want to see those tiny moments with you. I send prayers for healing for you every day. 💗

  • 17w ago bearclaw4 bearclaw4

    When you said you were asking for help it brought tears to my eyes. I more I need/want help, the less likely I am to ask for it. (Perverse, I know. Only hurts me, I know. Need to get over it, I know. Knowing all this doesn't make it any easier.) so I was overjoyed that you asked! I hope the mess bring you some relief! And Happy Leveling Up Day to you!

  • 17w ago joy_nomatterwhat joy_nomatterwhat

    So much love. So much hope. Streaming all the feel good prayers I can straight at you.

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @omcreativebymariel Thank you very much Mariel! You are so kind. I’m sending big LOVE to you💙💙💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @tripleee333 I adore you. Thank you!! 💙😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @susancimmino Thanks Susan!! Loving you💙💙💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @themaryrussell You are so kind Mary! And I think I am in pretty damn good company!😘

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @mama2macnmav I’m ready for porch sitting and kitten watching. You are so loved on all the days! 💙💙💙

  • 17w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @missy0378 Awww- Happy Belated Birthday to YOU, Missy! Birthday twins! And pain is pain. I say we never compare pain. And I hate that you feel any nerve pain at all. It’s insane. Thank God for the gift of choosing joy. It’s a saving grace. Keep going! I am sending big HUGS & big LOVE to you!! 💙💙😘

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