Instagram post by @thejoywarrior rosemary

5-22-17 I wrote-“Today is your last day of being 40. You should do something fun”. I spent my time until carpool doing random things & in pain bc I can't take any meds when I have to do carpool or drive at all. This is always very hard. It makes me realize how very hard my life has become since my failed brain surgery 5 months ago. It brings on the grief. Acceptance & I are still not a thing. In that small room of me, I see no acceptance yet. And yet in the midst of grief today, I felt joy w my daughter & her friends. They do exist together. I've found that all along the way over the past 5 months. Even on days I wanted to throw my "choose Joy" f*cking habit out the f*cking window, it's so ingrained in me I couldn't. On days I thought there is zero chance of me living the rest of my life feeling so miserable w this pain, something in my day gave me joy. Snuggling w my kids or joking around w my hubby filtered in through the pain & angst & grief. I am gifted w a wickedly insane sense of humor & God knows that laughter is the best medicine. I still cry at some point in everyday. Life w a chronic & invisible illness feels impossible. With the amount of pain I am in daily, I wonder how the people that love me could expect me to live this way. And then I have these moments of joy in the midst of the madness & I know I would never want to miss this. These moments. Tomorrow I level up in age. But I've been leveling up over the past 5 months. Each stage of your life requires a new version of your self. Recovery has been like this too. It's all so different & so very much the same. It seems to me that we don't mature w age but more so w the damage. The past 5 months have been proof to me that pain & grief & joy all exist together. To the days I felt I just could not possibly continue & yet still manage to find joy in my family or here or a tiny victory, I give thanks. More on leveling up again 5-23-18 tomorrow #Joywarrior

18 Comments

  • 29w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    #wekeepgoing#ayearlater#levelingup#wematurewithdamage#choosejoy#andyet#alookback#warriorspirit#theartofhealing

  • 29w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    #leftfootrightfoot#breathing#holdingon#sacredself#inthemidstofitall#ilovemytribe#tinyvictories

  • 29w ago amyparent406 amyparent406

    MY BIRTHDAY IS TOMORROW 😳WE SHARE TWO BIRTHDAYS 🎂 !!!! WE ARE SOUL SISTERS 🙌🏻✨❤️🙏🏻I LOVE YOU!!!!

  • 29w ago forwardstreet forwardstreet

    @amyparent406 that is amazing

  • 29w ago crsabia crsabia

    You are amazing......😘

  • 29w ago thejoywarrior thejoywarrior

    @amyparent406 WE are more than Soul Sisters, I think. And I think this means we are destined to meet and hug someday. It’s bound to be in our future, ya think? I love and adore you more than any words could ever ever say. You are so very precious to me and I hold you so tightly in my heart. Always, all ways! Happy Birthday Sister! 💙🎉

  • 29w ago c.r.oltman c.r.oltman

    You are so loved. You brought joy to my sister in law who just went through in utero surgery for her tiny baby with spina bifita last week. Can you believe it? Joy in all forms. All places. This is joy. This is love. Thank you friend.

  • 29w ago susancimmino susancimmino

    Today is my mom’s bday. She is in Heaven with my dad. And I’m a May bday girl too! Wishing you an amazing year of healing, healing and more healing. 💕

  • 29w ago amyparent406 amyparent406

    @thejoywarrior YES YES YESSSSSSS!!!!! I’m so grateful that we found each other🙌🏻✨❤️I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY 🎂🎈🎁 🙏🏻

  • 29w ago amyparent406 amyparent406

    @forwardstreet right???

  • 29w ago laura.twinmama laura.twinmama

    Happy Birthday dear Rosemary! My birthday is next week! I'll be 41. Loving you and thanking that comedian up above for amazing you!

  • 29w ago donnasp donnasp

    💞❤️💞💖

  • 29w ago thesuburbanmonk thesuburbanmonk

    This is beautiful. Is your birthday the 22nd? Or 23rd? Either way happy birthday. I am so glad you were born and I know you. I love you Ro🎈🎈🎈

  • 29w ago thesuburbanmonk thesuburbanmonk

    Oh it is today!!! 5/23..... happy birthday my friend. I hope you find out xtra Joy today🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🎈🙈

  • 29w ago karynlind karynlind

    Happy birthday my dear friend! I hope you find more joy today than you expect. It’s ok to cry in the midst of it, remember and/or. You share your birthday with my sweet niece who also has a wicked sense of humor. Must be the day. 😬. Happy birthday, much love to you! 🎉❤️😘

  • 29w ago embracing_my_wings embracing_my_wings

    You are amazing in every way. The world rejoiced when you were born. We are all celebrating that you are in this life and a cherished part of our own. May you find many moments of joy on this day. ❤️❤️❤️

  • 29w ago marystapes marystapes

    🎂❤️❌😘‼️

  • 29w ago linda_lettering linda_lettering

    God bless you Rosemary! You’re amazing! Thank you for sharing.

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