Instagram post by @sashrecoveryxx Sash🌸🌼🌺

Dinner🌈 -
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Dinner today was 110g grilled chicken breast🍗 with a few sweet potato chips🍠 and some petit pois🥗 -
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So, I had my appointment and I just cried😖 what is it with therapists/psychiatrists?! They just know when you’re lying😓 she really picked at things and then she asked about my relationship between me and my best friend and I just burst out crying! We don’t speak anymore and I can’t help but think I’ve done something. Whenever I see her, it’s like there’s no conversation there anymore. My psychiatrist asked what I think the problem could be and I was honest, my best friend now has a boyfriend😒 every conversation with her is about her boyfriend and quite frankly, I’m bored of hearing his name. Obviously I’m happy for her but she’s always been the person to be like ‘I’ll never leave my friends for a boy’ MATE, what are you doing?! I haven’t spoke to her properly since NYE and even that felt forced and false, I don’t get it😖 I just don’t want to be the person constantly trying with conversations and I’ve left it for weeks now and heard nothing! -
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My psychiatrist then pointed out that it seems to be a reoccurring pattern with me that everyone leaves, and it’s so true😓 my dad passing away, losing my friends in high school, losing my best friend at the end of college and now this! I can’t be arsed anymore! It’s just little things as well, like I know people have their own problems but she knows EVERYTHING that’s going on in my life and how I’m struggling yet she can’t even take 2 minutes out of her ‘busy’ life to ask if I’m okay?!She messages the other girls in the flat all the time, yet I don’t get anything? Am I being paranoid or does that not scream to you that somethings going on?😳 she’s just slowly turning into someone I’d never associate myself with, someone that only wants me when they need something🙄 -
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I wasn’t weighed today and honestly I was so relieved! My psychiatrist said it’s because I only had my increase plan Friday and she didn’t feel like it would be fair to weigh me until next week😌 -
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I really hope everyone is okay, love you all❤️-
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#anorexiarecovery#edrecovery#eatingdisorderecovery#recovery#recoverywin#eatingdisorders

23 Comments

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    #anorexiarecovery #anorexianervosarecovery #anorexianervosa #anarecovery #recoverywin #recovery #recoveryisworthit #edrecovery #eatingdisorderecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorders #eattobeatit #lunch #beatingana #beatinged #ana #anorexianervosa #beatingeatingdisorders #makedecembersparkle #positivity #prorecovery #EDrecovery

  • 35w ago realsarahkate realsarahkate

    I know it is so hard to open your heart once so many have left. I know this all too well. We assume everyone has the same heart and intentions as us, but the truth is they don't. Our happiness needs to stay in our hands, not put in someone else's because they will drop it. That is so hard to learn. I'm just so glad you have a good relationship with your psychiatrist. That is so promising.

  • 35w ago katylouiseball1 katylouiseball1

    It doesn't excuse your friends behavuour but do you think maybe your friend can't deal with your anorexia and illness? I've lost friendships due to this. Anorexia has a way of taking over your life and although you don't mean to be you become very self involved and obsessed. I'm talking from experience. I don't want to upset you but I had a friend who actually said to me- I can't deal with your illness anymore - im taking a step back. You do lose people with this illness

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @realsarahkate that’s true, our happiness should be our responsibility. I get on really well with her, thank you xx

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @katylouiseball1 this was one thing I mentioned to my psychiatrist today, maybe it is my fault

  • 35w ago katylouiseball1 katylouiseball1

    @sashrecoveryxx NO not your fault! Anorexias fault! There's a difference xxxx

  • 35w ago beesbattle beesbattle

    Sounds so tough love.. i’m so sorry to hear this!!! Talking to someone and just keeping on trying may help, tho in the end it may be pretty tiring? I really hope things will brighten up for you, i hope the best for you anyways angel💓💓 Nothing is your fault, you’re doing your best that’s all anyone could ask from you, remember that. So much love and hope that you enjoyed this!!😘

  • 35w ago rubysrecovery rubysrecovery

    Friends come and go but you need to focus on yourself and do what makes you happy. Try and be as honest as possible with your therapist and perhaps tell your friend how you feel if you want to. She won't know how you feel unless you say. Anyway I'm always here and hope this meal was as good as it looks x

  • 35w ago snackandsmile snackandsmile

    Did you speak about what we talked about lovely? I'm sorry you've had a tough session with them but it's a good sign you've been able to uncover some issues and get some of your sadness out ❤️ I have lots of issues with losing close best friends when they get bf's too, and just drifting apart in general. Sometimes it just happens, as we get older sometimes people change into people we don't wanna be around anymore. Maybe when you've got yourself back into a good place you'll be able to tackle it head on and sort your relationship out with her, but until then I would honestly just let this pass by until you're strong enough to try fix your friendship. You've got enough going on right now ❤️❤️❤️

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @katylouiseball1 I guess so. I just always feel like it’s me xxx

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @littlemissbeansjourney that’s exactly it. I used to message her everyday and it would be back and forth conversation but now we don’t speak and I’m exhausted trying to be the instigator of it all😖 thank you so much❤️

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @_sufferingsoul_ thank you honey. It’s just a kick in the throat when you think someone will always be there and then they prove you wrong xx

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @recoverformemories I did tell her about the meals, yes. She just said to double mention it with my dietician when I see her next as she feels like there should be a change because I still haven’t gained anything😒🙄 it’s exhausting isn’t it! Trying with people and getting nothing back, I can’t be arsed. I don’t want to feel like the constant victim that has something going on but a simple text of ‘are you ok’ would be nice, know what I mean?❤️❤️❤️

  • 35w ago pink_butterfly49 pink_butterfly49

    @katylouiseball1 is right, anorexia takes away everything from you. People. Friendships. Happiness. Nourishment. Confidence, your social life, sleep, strength, everything, you’re not to blame @sashrecoveryxx it’s the core reason why you so deserve to get better and why you desperately need to fight this with everything that you can x x x

  • 35w ago iambreathing77 iambreathing77

    I'm so sorry for your sadness @sashrecoveryxx. I'm glad you spoke to your therapist about it, as being honest is such a crucial part of recovery. Just remember, your strained relationship with your friend isn't your fault. Many of us lose friends - often temporarily - due to our anorexia. It can be very hard for people that don't suffer to understand. Be honest with your friend about how you miss her, and try to explain how much she means to you as you recover. On a different note, I'm glad you were able to eat dinner! You didn't post anything about breakfast or lunch - I hope you did eat those meals and didn't allow your sadness to prevent you from doing so. Good luck with your nutella toast tonight - you've got this!! ♥️

  • 35w ago rubysrecovery rubysrecovery

    Ya I totally understand but tell her how you feel. In a friendship you've got to be honest but don't go out of your way after her

  • 35w ago katylouiseball1 katylouiseball1

    @pink_butterfly49 @sashrecoveryxx definitely, the longer you keep it, the more people you push away. My parents actually told me I had to move out. People give up x

  • 35w ago pink_butterfly49 pink_butterfly49

    @katylouiseball1 sadly they do but sometimes they have no other choice. I too have been excluded and cut out from people and things. 😢 don’t let this illness take anything else from you Sasha, you’ve already lost too much xx

  • 35w ago katylouiseball1 katylouiseball1

    @pink_butterfly49 same! I've found out about things that were organised and I wasn't invited because it was a meal etc. I've had anorexia now for 13 years and even the professionals leave and give up because in the end only we can do it x

  • 35w ago sashrecoveryxx sashrecoveryxx

    @iambreathing77 thank you for this honey, it’s just horrible to think I’m losing yet another friend to this😖😖😖 I have eaten don’t worry. Thank you❤️

  • 35w ago seekingmyhappiness_ seekingmyhappiness_

    This looks great! Well done !!! Xxx

  • 35w ago pink_butterfly49 pink_butterfly49

    @katylouiseball1 I’m so sorry. 15 years for me and it’s still a daily battle. It’s horrible. It can be beat though, it just takes courage and commitment. I hope you find some happiness and freedom soon. You deserve it, you’ve suffered far too long xx

  • 35w ago katylouiseball1 katylouiseball1

    @pink_butterfly49 awful :( in so sorry for you too babe: keep fighting hard: you deserve to be well. Do you get any support? Have you been inpatient? Xxx

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