Instagram post by @namnamnamm Nam Thomas

I was 17 on the left, I had blindly chosen a dream of playing division 1 football, because early in my life, I associated the joy of my father adopting me, with my@love of football. I was wrong. It was love, not football. I had that chance, and saw glory early only to find out the hard way that mentally I could not connect those dots at that time. I quit one day and cried for a week. I lost my identity as a small second generation immigrant in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The city ate me alive. The girl I clung too, clung to a man that resembled what you see on the right. Without adversity, he wore skinny jeans and vans and played the drums. This was the start of my three year struggle with bulimia. I never told anyone, but I am now. I ended up transferring to be close to my best friend and walked on and made a division 1 wrestling team. I did that because the demand of the sport would fulfill the image I wanted to be. But that is not enough for that. John stutzman, head coach, "you are the jack of all trades Nam, but the ace of none. You could be an all American, but you do not want to be here, and I do not know why you are"....I remember thinking so badly how I wanted to tell him, because that was the closest any person had and would ever be to knowing for the next three years. I isolated myself as I was ashamed. I missed out on alot@of friendships but remember those who were good to me. They may not remember, I do. And now I'm gonna start a movement so I can give back to all of them. This is my plea. If you haven't checked out my first YouTube. Do it. I'm going to tell all of you my flaws, so if I am going to be judged and isolated, I want you to know me. I later thought bodybuilding would save my life, it made it worse. Then I became the best powerlifter in the nation. Now I just wanna go home. But I do not know where that is. To those who looked up to me, I'm sorry. But there are people that need me too. I am fierce in darkness with my back against the wall~nam #life #love #adversity #belief #struggle #transformation #dreams #goals #motivation #kindness #sincerity #sincerelyexist #courage I'm sorry. There's more too

61 Comments

  • 72w ago shanemiller20_ shanemiller20_

    Even the toughtest of people go through the toughest of times, we still look up to you Nam, this doesn't make you weak but only stronger for allowing the world to know you're weaknesses. Stay strong man you're a huge inspiration to us all

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @the_masstronomer I will need this as I move forward. Thankyou

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @jdreynolds3 if it's home you wanna know, you will only find that in solitude, at least for myself. Retracing where I went wrong, to be that person. All the people I didn't wanna be

  • 72w ago chadd.lin chadd.lin

    I'm ready for your book of self discovery. No path is ever straight. Most are to blind to care, few realize it and can learn

  • 72w ago lemay46 lemay46

    @namnamnamm Chase what ever you want man. Find something you love and give it everything you have.

  • 72w ago mike_the_gr8 mike_the_gr8

    Well you sure beat the fuck out of bulimia . Thanks for sharing brother

  • 72w ago jdreynolds3 jdreynolds3

    @namnamnamm truth. It's s lesson I learned in 32 years. I'm just trying to find it in me and not let solitude be all I know and cutting people off.

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @jdreynolds3 good luck, I am sorry. Division in your mind of any peace and I can be any of the connecting dots, tell me

  • 72w ago rojasamaru rojasamaru

    Men that bulimia Is going home with his ass Beaten!!! Thats a great post, you are so motivational bro. Keep doing it

  • 72w ago gormy_goes_keto gormy_goes_keto

    Powerful words, man. Truly respect your open honesty!

  • 72w ago erinviles erinviles

    ❤️

  • 72w ago j_kitch53 j_kitch53

    I still look up to you. You're real and raw and so is life. Keep doing what you're doing man

  • 72w ago bombsquad39 bombsquad39

    @john._.skywalker that you?

  • 72w ago jason_taylor_training jason_taylor_training

    @namnamnamm reading this is funny because I've always seen you as that jack of all trades, ace of none. In both a good and bad way lol. When we met (which i still cant remember if it was at a house party on fetterman or in the rec) football was long gone for you, wrestling was in the rear view and you were giving mma a go (Same as me). For a college kid I considered you big and ripped at like a buck 185 and remember you warming up when we had that mma club for all of half a semester. seeing how agile and in control of your body you were and saying "holy shit this kid can probably do whatever he wants athletically" since then you went from mma, to modeling, to physique, to bodybuilding, to powerlifting, back to bodybuilding now. From the outside looking in its almost been frustrating watching you switch practices but intriguing as well. It's funny cause I watched your video and maybe it goes back to the "a.d.d" thing. But maybe the true calling is what your doing now. Reaching people intellectually about upbringing, eating disorders, isolation and depressions, nomad lifestyle, insecurities, etc. through nothing more than using a picture of a front double bicep to grab their attention but using the written word under that picture to help. almost like a teacher in the inner city or psychiatrist if your words can help just one person get through something its a valuable contribution to this world especially the world we live in right now.

  • 72w ago larsphysique larsphysique

    Well at least I can say I look like Nam.... when he was a teenager...

  • 72w ago the.legend.of.okeefe the.legend.of.okeefe

    You a bad bitch dog!

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @jason_taylor_training beautiful lens, you're the man. Had I not done what I have, I would not be able to do what I'm going too...I'll create purpose out of my flaws

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    Thankyou guys so much. I am going to continue, please go subscribe, like, share my video. I'll take the fall, just share it.

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @larsphysique you will forever be my friend

  • 72w ago larsphysique larsphysique

    @namnamnamm same here! Keep staying true to you. I enjoy seeing your successes, it's very motivating to many!

  • 72w ago sophsforeal sophsforeal

    Your struggles are what make you strong and what make people like me admire you even more. You get through all the darkness and find some twinkle in life and that’s HUGE. This is social media and we only show what we choose and only the people who really know us see the real us. Still putting yourself out to the world and showing us parts of you that are vulnerable takes an immense amount of courage and I praise you for that. Keep doing you, Nam!

  • 72w ago reid_miranda reid_miranda

    This is deep

  • 72w ago joeharrell1 joeharrell1

    I have no words for you man. I don't know you at all lol but I feel like I do. Good vibes and prayers your way! You're a true warrior!

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @joeharrell1 I've been trying to leave a trail since 2009

  • 72w ago joeharrell1 joeharrell1

    @namnamnamm Man your outer shell is so impressive the size, strength, and aesthetics but there are 1000 other people on this earth that look good or are strong. Your mind is beautiful and special! I'd say you are blazing a trail!!!

  • 72w ago theguynate theguynate

    @namnamnamm I remember when you just had 1000 followers on this app.. crazy how life can change without knowing it is shifting, every single day. You’re a freakin legend so far bro.🤙🏽

  • 72w ago shermanismyname shermanismyname

    I've never been able to meet you.. I live in Middleburg, and I know you moved now to Nevada. I love your deep life provoking posts, and even though I was never able to meet you, I feel like I have.

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @shermanismyname because I have been so alone, I only wanted to leave a trail. In case I never got to tel my story. Well now I am, and I have a lifetime of relentless pursuits to back the distances I've gone, mentally

  • 72w ago efrymoyer89 efrymoyer89

    You're inspiring in more than one way Nam. Be proud of yourself, you may feel alone but I promise your not, your words are always touching peoples lives in one way or another. I am proud of you for speaking out, I know it wasn't easy. I am ready for you you write a book, I will definitely buy a copy. Fortunate that I've gotten to meet you in this crazy journey called life.

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @efrymoyer89 my 9th grade crush. Interesting to watch our views of attraction in a time we are not yet developed

  • 72w ago efrymoyer89 efrymoyer89

    @namnamnamm isn't it though? Reach out if you ever need to talk. I am jealous your in Las Vegas, one of my favorite places, I feel like everyone needs to atleast visit that place

  • 72w ago namnamnamm namnamnamm

    @efrymoyer89 Thankyou, I appreciate it. If I had someone to talk too, the message wouldn't be clear.

  • 72w ago efrymoyer89 efrymoyer89

    @namnamnamm Well my best advice is keep doing what your doing on here, write, preach, vent, whatever you need to do because I promise your changing lives and I hope by you speaking out and getting feedback it helps clear your mind. Remember we all have regrets but I can promise you one thing you are going far in life, I've always looked

  • 72w ago efrymoyer89 efrymoyer89

    up to you! You are a leader, no doubt!

  • 72w ago adamaclair adamaclair

    Liked this earlier so I could remember to read after my shifts ended. I feel so similar to you in so many ways, it’s truly perplexing brother. I think we’d be friends, your thoughts seem to spill from my own mind, from time to time. You’re inspiring, in a word. We may be strangers to one another, but I genuinely wish you only the best and will be sending positive vibrations towards you. Peace to you and yours brother

  • 72w ago therealsanjay therealsanjay

    Proud of you Nam 🙏🏾

  • 72w ago dc_solipsist dc_solipsist

    People will look up to you more because you've found solace in the search for who you are or were you belong, and most of us are just content. I saw you at a FNF camp and was astonished by your size, but now I am astonished by your searching and what you've achieved during this search. Keep working man.

  • 71w ago mindyourboxwtf mindyourboxwtf

    @namnamnamm original becuse it brakes the from / catagorieisation of what meets the eye...

  • 71w ago mindyourboxwtf mindyourboxwtf

    @namnamnamm u are already home.... u are a home to feelings... chosen to decide what a home, who what we are, is? yes it is only in relationship to an antagonist.

  • 66w ago _mr_white _mr_white

    ❤️💯💪🏾

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