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Instagram post by @kavitasarmah Kavita Sarmah

My depression has been back since a week now; maybe a little more than a week. And today she has been the worst she's been in a while. I am used to my silly, Kavita-mood swings and am able to make little, slow and steady efforts to feel calmer; I make tea ― two cups and three and four, take long, vanilla-scented showers, light candles, dance. But today, I couldn't do any of those things. It hurt ...to walk, to sit, the subtle movement of my wrist, knuckles as I'd open the fridge to get a water bottle. I felt fragile, as if I were a porcelain doll waiting to shatter. I made little efforts still; ate some food, took medicines, drank water. I'd try to work, or play the ukulele but I couldn't sit for too long. I've been lying down most of today. I've constantly been trying not to cry but even as I'm writing this, I can feel warm tears trickling down my skin and onto the pillow.

But I'm hopeful. Maybe tomorrow will be a much better day, and there'll be tea, inspiration and clarity. If you're going through something or are dealing with mental illness ... I'm thinking good, sunny thoughts for you. I'm proud of you, for dealing with your grey however you are able to; I'm proud of you, if all you did today was eat a bag of crisps. And proud of me, for trying to understand and give myself the space to feel things. Let's hope tomorrow is sunnier and happier for all of us.

sweet kisses and soft hugs,
K.

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6 Comments

  • 9w ago djloves1 djloves1

    Let this beautiful night take away part of you that's saddened
    let the first light tomorrow pierce your bones to ignite hope
    Tomorrow is a new day...@kavitasarmah

  • 9w ago aish_musings aish_musings

    Whatever it is that you are feeling now, remember that you always give out love to everyone around you. You are beautiful Kavita. Lots of affection to you girl.

  • 9w ago twistedyoghurt twistedyoghurt

    👏👌

  • 9w ago kavitasarmah kavitasarmah

    @aish_musings that means more to me. thank you, love. Biiig hug! :)

  • 9w ago madcatintheattic_18 madcatintheattic_18

    It's been 2 weeks for me. You existing matters to me. Your words calm me down. I feel I have a sister who understands my struggles somewhere in the world yet I don't know how to get close, ask for the help I need so it passes and calms me down thinking that her existence inspires mine. ❤️

  • 9w ago tushar.insta24 tushar.insta24

    😌✋️

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