I need to tell you the truth... I'm human.
Hi, I'm Dani and I'm a paper florist. I design high-end paper flowers for people who want something beautiful to last forever. It's ironic actually. My husband has just been diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma. It's ironic that I can create "life" for a flower from paper, but I can't save one of a human's.
Dave and I have been married for 16 yrs, together for 19 and we have created two beautiful children together. A girl, Lawsen, who's 11. And a boy, Owen, who's just turned 14. We have three Pit bull rescues, who happen to be a motley crew of lunatics, and a cat who thinks she's a dog. We haven't had the heart to correct her on that.
I feel so ashamed in saying this, but I've been incredibly selfish. I've been really stressed about my business, whining, bitching and moaning about ridiculous things when God has other plans for us instead.
I've fallen apart, cried, screamed and punched my pillow. I've been angry, depressed and yes, unlike myself, very negative. I try to hide all of this because I know it will do no good to my husband if he sees it.
I realize now that I've been feeling sorry for myself, shutting down, and not helping the situation in any way. I'm so embarrassed to admit it, but I wanted to just say screw it and quit. I now realize that if I quit trying and quit creating, my husband might not ever see the work that he supported me in doing for so many years, succeed. To be honest, completely honest, I don't exactly know what success looks like for me. But I want the chance to find it.
Nothing in life is forever, life is so fleeting and being negative, sad, angry, or any of this, will not save him. It won't make him live longer, or make it all go away. But I can be present and I can love him and my children with all my heart. I can be strong for him, I can pick him up when he falls. That I can do. I hope. The rest... doesn't really matter, does it?
I will continue being strong. I will work as hard as I can to help him. Create with my hands and heart and I'll be the best version of myself. Because that is the only option I'm giving myself. So, screw you Cancer, we've got shit to do yet.