Well, I’m injured again. For the third time in less than 2 years. I’ve been spinning uncontrollably through a tornado of emotions for 10 days. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to write this post. It’s easy in NYC to go 8 weeks without seeing people you know. I could go about my business without publicly admitting I broke my foot again. And you know what? Sometimes pretending is good. A friend reminded me recently that even faking confidence is confident. But also, you can’t fight reality.
So what was I trying to hide by pretending? And what good would it do? For the first few days, my inner critics valiantly tried to protect me, screaming: “You’re supposed to be the strong one! You can’t admit you’re injured again or they’ll know you’re a fraud! They’ll pity you! They’ll think you’re weak! They’ll think you’re worthless! This is your sign from the universe that you should just quietly quit dancing.” I know, I know. Not a single one of you would dream of saying any of those things to me. But that’s the thing about our inner critics: they’re loud, brutal, ruthless, unforgiving and un-compassionate towards ourselves, never to others.
Thankfully, I’m well acquainted with my inner critics these days, consciously engaging them in difficult conversations, identifying what is coming from Real Wendy and what is coming from The Critics.
And as ashamed and embarrassed as I was initially about being injured again, I know hiding it would negate my mission for @onbeingadancer. The first step to defeating shame is to voice it. As soon as I voiced my fears to a friend, I turned into a warrior. My inner critics no longer needed to protect me. Instead, I created an army with all the proper tools and support to defeat my fears. I’m now training my inner critics to fight with me instead of against me.
So get ready, social media land, for some serious vulnerability. If any of this resonates, reach out, comment, send me a message! What are you inner critics telling you? How can I help you confront them? Let’s use each other to drown out out those voices.
#beingadancer #dancer #ballerina #aerialist #injury #resilience #lifecoach #innercritic