This was really hard for me and I have been dreading this for the past few days.
I had to do this.I had almost decided that I won’t do this.
I won’t write about you..for you..because writing always brings back the memories..it makes you almost experience everything again..and I decided I wouldn’t do it because I didn’t want to go through the pain.I didn’t think I was strong enough.
But then I couldn’t stop myself because I loved you with all my heart Niki. And I had to let this out because it was hurting me so much.
Tears are rolling down my cheek as I’m typing all of this and days after struggling with the shocking news..now I get it! I get exactly why I couldn’t do this before. Because I just wasn’t ready to believe what I was told.That you were gone. That I won’t ever be able to see your face and have you listen to me pouring my heart out at sleepovers.That I wouldn’t ever be dramatically happy in front of people seeing a message from you about you coming to India!That you wouldn’t like always piss nani and all your relatives off by directly getting your bags to my place and not moving from there.. haha...
I’ve cried at random nights and been absolutely okay the next morning. I have tried to distract myself by just being around people.I have avoided being alone because I was scared and I know you’ve been watching me. I know you’ve been listening to me. I just wish I had messaged you called you more. I just wish I had expressed that I love you and you mean a lot randomly in a stupid conversation that we were having about your university schedule.I love you Niks. You were my first ever best friend and distance couldn’t change that relationship. You are and will always be in my heart. I hope you’re the happiest up there because I know you weren’t happy here. I wish all your pain is gone. I wish you get the life beyond this life that you deserved.
Ending this with tears in my eyes and a smile remembering singing the Hindi movie song you liked together-
बोहोत प्यार करते हैं तुमको सनम
क़सम चाहे ले लो
खुदा की क़सम :”) ♥️ Just can’t take anyone for granted...just can’t...I wish I had expressed the love when you were there🙃
I really miss you