Today I am remembering Timothy Scott (1955-1988), the first great love of my life. He passed away 29 years ago today on a morning very much like this one.
I have been widowed twice in my life, and though the pain of the first loss recedes more and more in my memory, superseded by the second, I find that whenever this day rolls around, my thoughts always return to Tim and the brief, glorious life that he led.
Tim was the original Mr. Mistoffelees in the Broadway production of CATS, alongside my sister who played Grizabella. I was working in New York in early 1983 and I’d frequently visit my sister at the Winter Garden Theater. One night I went up into the catwalk to watch the second half of the show. Tim made his entrance for his big number from this same catwalk and while he was standing there, waiting to go on, we suddenly looked at each other for a long beat. For me it was an epiphany. It remains a moment outside of time—I knew, beyond doubt, in that instant, that he would come to mean very much to me. Shortly after that, we moved in together and had an extremely happy five years until his untimely death.
Two years ago, on this day, I wrote, “It is the love that endures. I learned from Tim that love is not something measured in quantity. It’s instead a state of being. I believe there is a place where it is no longer about being ‘in love,’ but simply feeling the presence of love. You’re either there or you’re not. And in Tim Scott I knew love.
And when I met Davyd Whaley many years later it was a recognition of the same love, and the same love just continued to grow and expand. The loss of Tim helped me to be present in the relationship with Davyd in ways I might never have been otherwise. I never took Davyd for granted — not a single day — knowing as I did that some type of loss is always inevitable. …I have been the most fortunate of men: I gained so much from each of them in their incarnations on this plane. And when I think of either of them it all merges into the same unfolding, all-encompassing love. In the presence of these two men I have come to understand what love is. And that love has given my life meaning.”