noranbakrie noranbakrie

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🌚  i know nothing. manusia gua in bliss @lumahmomot

In order to cope with my major depression back then in 2013, I shutdown almost all of my memories circa 2011 - 2016. It was 5 years of dots and blanks. I remember those years as a long dark tunnel and that’s all. Ironically it was actually the years when I traveled the most. I forget that I have visited the places that I have been, like this place over here. I stopped listening to music. All I wanted to think about is just The Now. The Now and The Future.

Anyway, two days ago, I started to listen to things again. Let myself feel the old feels again.
I feel really brave.
I visited this mountaineous area in China, it was beautiful but back then, all that I remembered when hiking was the tragic death of Bikini, my tortoise cat. Back then a lot of people would think that I have the best job, traveling and get paid. If only they know, I really didn’t want to leave my animals. I really didn’t want to go. I developed an obsessive strong bond towards my animals, I was absurdly dependent on them. I was absurdly devastated knowing that I can only afford to save 20 something animals, while millions of them are still suffering.
.
Now, everytime I remember this trip, I also want to remember that the earth is beautiful, with all its unfairness and sadness.
I have to be brave.

Wasior. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to hug you goodbye.
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22 December 2010 - 21 August 2018.
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The last sibling of Merapi, Mentawai & Wasior.
Mother of George, Lennox & Sophie.
The one who always stare at me to the cold core of my soul and tell me, “I’m with you. I trust you. Don’t hold me around, but I’ll never leave you.”
Mrs. Anxiety Attack sometimes.
🌈
I’ll see you again in another lifetime.

Taking them with me through all of this journey. Mama, Yoga, we’re here. I’m done.

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