In order to cope with my major depression back then in 2013, I shutdown almost all of my memories circa 2011 - 2016. It was 5 years of dots and blanks. I remember those years as a long dark tunnel and that’s all. Ironically it was actually the years when I traveled the most. I forget that I have visited the places that I have been, like this place over here. I stopped listening to music. All I wanted to think about is just The Now. The Now and The Future.
Anyway, two days ago, I started to listen to things again. Let myself feel the old feels again.
I feel really brave.
I visited this mountaineous area in China, it was beautiful but back then, all that I remembered when hiking was the tragic death of Bikini, my tortoise cat. Back then a lot of people would think that I have the best job, traveling and get paid. If only they know, I really didn’t want to leave my animals. I really didn’t want to go. I developed an obsessive strong bond towards my animals, I was absurdly dependent on them. I was absurdly devastated knowing that I can only afford to save 20 something animals, while millions of them are still suffering.
Now, everytime I remember this trip, I also want to remember that the earth is beautiful, with all its unfairness and sadness.
I have to be brave.