On a Tuesday night last summer my friend @kiroil said something funny while we were hanging out at @xcloakanddaggerx. My laugh that night sounded exactly like my mom's. I immediately felt like she was dancing with me to our favorite band @nineinchnails. @adambravin happened to be playing NIN. He has a sort of psychic ability when it comes to music that is pretty crazy and amazing.
It was that night that I realized I would never stop missing my mom. Up until that point I had the delusional idea that one day... I would just stop missing her. That I would watch a great film, eat yummy food, or experience somewhere or someone cool and not always want to share it with her.
I went home that night and clung to a rose @babaxx11 had given me so tightly that I bled. I remember actually blowing my nose into my pillow and just laying there anyway. Yeah, its gross, but that's the truth. Life and truth and love and grief are all beautifully messy things. The worst-best pain I've felt in my entire life was felt that night while hugging that rose.
That rose is on my nightstand now. It reminds me that while something might be dead, it doesn't mean that it is gone. You might think its morbid, but it brings me comfort to be able to hug that rose when I feel sad.
Tomorrow, May 8th (a Tuesday) is the 7 year anniversary of when my mom passed away. This last year without her has been extremely hard, but my mom did such an amazing job creating a network of powerful, strong, and smart female role models for me and @kendrascribes.
You guys, I can't even begin to talk about how proud I am of my little sister. She hasn't had the easiest year either, but she is holding her own in this crazy world.
I'm so lucky to have the people that I do in my life. To have the (new!) job I have. The ability to create. These are all things that stem from me being my mother's daughter. I'm really thankful that she not only allowed me to be myself, but she encouraged it.
While I will always miss her, she will always be here with me. On or off the dance floor.