On a good quiet morning I wake up from sound of the handwatch ticking in the padded watch box.
There are no ticking clocks on the walls of our house, I can't fall asleep with that level of noise.
People can feel trapped in their bodies for different reasons. Some don't like the way they look, some don't feel healthy enough, some want to be more flexible or strong.
I felt trapped because I'm hypersensitive.
I tried to block the weird sensations bombarding me all day every day: sounds that other people seemed to not mind, smells..
I knew what they meant, but I didn't know how to explain without sounding crazy... like, how do you say "hey, I smell your testesterone rising, maybe you should take it easy"?
Vibrations that I couldn't explain, like shadows of some places, vibrancy of others.. stale vibe of anger stuck somewhere on the couch.
The weird sensation, almost sound-like, when my or other's emotional state is about to shift drastically.
I feel my food being digested. I know what form is it in and where in my guts exactly. That's the only real reason I don't eat meat. Too much effort for way too long.
Weird exchange and transformation of ligaments.
I feel sounds on my skin.
I would pick up emotional and physical pain from people, and I didn't know what to do with it. So, I just stored it and blocked it.
Crazy and overwhelmed, wanting to escape most of the time.
Today I watched a Cody video of Dana Falsetti @nolatrees talking about feeling trapped in her body until she discovered her strength through yoga.
It resonated with me. My prison wasn't the weight, but rather the sensitivity.
Primary Series of Ashtanga Vinyasa Yoga are called Chikitsa - blood cleanse. It made me become even more aware of my body and my surroundings, but it also made me ok with it.
With time and practice, still far from mastership, I process the world at my own insane speed. I often get tired and need to be alone or rest. I accepted my energy expenditure and grew to understand that it's ok not to be "normal". Maybe a little lonely, but ooh so beautiful.
Feeling "different" as a way of life
With myself, @t_om_ma_h and @elmayoga