nakedwithanxiety nakedwithanxiety

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➳ Ella Endi ➳  helping worriers realize they're warriors since 2015. you are safe here. you are needed here. yes, you ✨

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Happy weekend, friends!! ⭐️

When you find a quote that just makes you 😳🙌🏼🤧💗

💗

👊🏼😎✨

I can't even begin to guess how many times I begged my mom to leave my father when I was growing up- to this day he remains an incredibly abusive and toxic man.
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As a kid, it seemed so simple: mom would leave dad and we'd never have to deal with him again. Easy peasy.
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But our legal system isn't perfect. So my mom stayed with him. She stayed because the fight for full custody likely wouldn't have been successful, and she was afraid what he might do to me + my brothers if she weren't around.
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Mostly though, she says she stayed for me. I received the brunt of my father's abuse and it was infinitely worse the second my mom wasn't present. She knew because I would tell her the moment she returned.
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Tears are pouring down my face, as I write this with shaky hands. My mom sacrificed so many years of her life to nurture me in the best way she could. She did HER best with the resources she had available.
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So Happy Mother's Day to my mom and to ALL the women who choose to remain miserable in toxic relationships, all at the cost of keeping their children as safe as possible. To quote Jasmun, "Your mother crashed her body against the rocks to give you the calm of the sea." My childhood wasn't anywhere near perfect, but I'm so grateful for all my mom sacrificed for me.
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And I'm happy to add that she's no longer with my father and is now in a healthy relationship with a man who treats her like a goddamn queen 🙌🏼💗

Feet up. Netflix on. Snacks on deck. It's lit 🔥

YOU GUYS!! This quote is from a personal essay I wrote for @selfmagazine✨Link to the full story in my bio. I'd love if you'd read it and share your thoughts! ☺️💗

A portrait of mental illness, as a real, live human being.
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The past two days, I've wanted to do nothing but sleep. So much so that I've slept through my blaring alarm by over an hour not only today, but yesterday, too. THAT kind of exhaustion.
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I'm "okay" around other people, but the second there's no one to distract me the mental exhaustion creeps back in. It's heavy. So heavy. I even dreamt the night before last that there was a brick holding me down. I wanted to move, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough.
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And as I'm sitting here, wanting to feel, I realize that this is my mind's way of protecting me from all of the stressful things that just keep piling up.
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So thank you, mind, for working so hard to protect me + for trying to keep me safe. I'm sure that's a tactic I developed as a kid growing up in a toxic environment that my family did a damn good job of presenting as idyllic.
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But this piece of me isn't serving me anymore. I'm ready to let it go. I believe I'm strong enough. Let's do this ✨

I just typed out a story about how I used to devote every second of my free time to toxic family members, but then I deleted it because - honestly - there's more than one side to every story.
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And they truly had no idea how heavily they were weighing on me because I always made it seem like I thought their behavior was normal.
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Looking back, I realize that I was trying to save them from themselves. But I couldn't. Eventually I began to withdraw and, sensing that, they demanded I give more time to them and threatened to end contact with me if I didn't.
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So I let them.
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And you know what? It's not something I'm particularly proud of. I wish things could be different. I wish I could still be part of their life in some way. But I know that this is for the best.
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So yeah, just wanna let you know that if you ever have/had to cease contact with family to protect your mental health, you are a badass and you are still completely worthy of love 💗

Awwhhh yyyyeahh 👌🏼

Third option is, of course, and despite all available evidence, thinking you can have both. Frustration and dismay! Every time! via @rubyetc_

In honor of today being Star Wars Day, I'm sharing my favorite quotes from our late Princess Leia.
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When called the "poster child" of bipolar disorder, Carrie Fisher responded, without skipping a beat, "Well, I *am* hoping to get the centerfold in Psychology Today." She then added that her disorder did not define her- she defined her disorder.
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May the Fourth be with us all ✨

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