my.soberinsanity my.soberinsanity

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I relapsed in November, 2016. I never believed that I was capable of coming back into recovery for a second time. Somehow I made it.
The second half of 2016 was the toughest period of time in my life in sobriety. After 3 years of successful & happy growth in a new life afforded to me by adopting a program of recovery & living a life free of mood & mind altering substances I began to slip back into my old ways & succumbed to many of the internal & external stressors that led me into active addiction to begin with.
I stopped calling my sponsor. I stopped attending meetings. I stopped doing service work. I stopped praying & meditating. I stopped holding myself accountable & taking personal inventory. I stopped being proud of how far I'd come. I stopped loving myself.
I started lying. I started being dishonest & manipulative. I started isolating. I started hurting people. I became ashamed of what I hadn't accomplished yet. I started medicating my anxiety & stress instead of working through it. Eventually I got comfortable being dishonest again.
I slipped and I fell. I fell hard. I reverted back to taking between 15-20 Xanax bars a day and "leveling out" with Adderall so I wouldn't be completely blacked out.
I had adopted a plan of thinking that I was preparing to live with for the rest of my life: I would get sober again without telling anyone & for the rest of my life I would live knowing that I had 4 years less sobriety time than I was leading people to believe.
I was preparing myself to live a lie. For the rest of my life.
On February 8, 2017 I gave up & asked for help. Again.
Through the help of my loved ones I admitted myself to a 5 day medical detox & a 3 month outpatient program. I found a new home group, a new sponsor & a renewed love for life. I have been sober for almost 6 months now.
I came clean & started doing the things I knew had worked for me before. But most importantly ... I got over my own pride, shame & embarrassment & I asked for help.
I encourage you to do the same. A 5 minute phone call or 30 second conversation could save your life. It saved mine. Twice. Ask for help.

***This is a repost from my personal account @dna_mac300, I am trying to streamline all recovery related material to this page with the focus not on me & my recovery, but on recovery in general. But I wanted to to share this***
Prior about 4 years ago this was the most dreadful time of year for me... the Holidays.
A time of year where I had to put others first, something I pretended to give a fuck about, but truly was not actually important to me.
Prior to 4 years ago all I cared about was myself and what I needed. And that meant what I needed to get high & how I was going to get it.
Christmas presents were just opportunity for me to continue breaking the hearts of my loved ones.
Holiday get togethers were just more chances for me to break promises and let the people who cared most about me down.
Opportunities to see distant family and leave them with an image of me they never thought they'd see and would never forget. An image of me empty, faded and absent.
The Holidays were anything but a reason to celebrate life for me.
This year I'm going into the Holiday season in love with the life I lead. A life filled with love, healthy activity, a goal oriented schedule and the constant company of my family and closest friends.
This year I'm sober. And I owe everything in my life and more to that one simple fact.
#gratefulAF #gratefulgram #SoberLife #BeHappy #12stepShuffle #MakeTheDecision #BornDifferent #RemainDifferent #EmbraceDifferent #terminaluniqueness #ClearHeadClearHeartClearConscience #OpenHeartOpenEyesOpenMind #InnerPeace #NeverHungover #GiveItAway #DreamBelieveTurnUp #TheBlessedLife
#AddictionIsAMotherFucker #AddictsToAddicts #SoberAF #Sobriety #Recover #HopeAndChange #FillTheVoid #HoldOnPainEnds #GiftsOfSobriety

Stop gauging what makes you feel and what makes you happy off what society and other people believe. That power we always talk about everyone having is the same power we need to give ourselves.
Get that power back.
Step one... Fuck em. If it makes you happy then do it. They may not like it at first, but then they see you making changes and becoming happier because of them they'll either congratulate you or they'll be nowhere to be found. Either way they'll be where they're supposed to be.
#SoberLife #BeHappy #12stepShuffle #MakeTheDecision #BornDifferent #RemainDifferent #EmbraceDifferent #Recover #ClearHeadClearHeartClearConscience #OpenHeartOpenEyesOpenMind #InnerPeace #NeverHungover #GiveItAway #DreamBelieveTurnUp #TheBlessedLife
#AddictionIsAMotherFucker #AddictsToAddicts #SoberSoWhat #Sobriety #12StepShuffle #Recover #HopeAndChange #FillTheVoid #HoldOnPainEnds #GiftsOfSobriety #partysober

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