mumologist mumologist

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Emma Svanberg  Perinatal psychologist, hypnobirth teacher, mama.

http://www.mumologist.com/

THE SCHOOL RUN SERIES. How often in the mornings do you feel your blood start to boil? This morning I'm talking about how to simmer it down again. Let me know how you get on! Good luck with the school run all, and enjoy the beautiful sunshine

THE SCHOOL RUN SERIES. Morning all! Today we're talking commands- how many do you issue a minute? You'd be amazed at how much we ask of our children.... and ourselves. So today I'm asking you to simplify! Good luck on the school run. #schoolrunseries #keeptheconversationgoing #psychologistsofinstagram

No words #Manchester

THE SCHOOL RUN SERIES! When you're trying to get your children to get ready, how do you do it? Little tweaks to how we ask our children to do things can have a big impact! Good luck on the school run all of you, and enjoy the sun #schoolrun #schoolrunseries #psychologistsofinstagram #keeptheconversationgoing

THE SCHOOL RUN SERIES! I get asked a lot about how to keep cool in the mornings when you've got twenty million things to get done and NOBODY IS LISTENING! I'll be posting a vid each morning this week with a little tip either to help you communicate or to reflect on what's pushing your buttons. Here's the first one- this ones about recognising what gets those buttons pushed in the first place. Good luck on the school run and have a gorgeous day all of you ❤️#schoolrunseries #psychologistsofinstagram #keeptheconversationgoing

When I started #stressdownfridays a few weeks back, my intention was to encourage us all to think about how to reflect on the good and bad of the week ahead and to enter the weekend feeling calm and with some positive intentions. .
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When you're a parent weekends start to become something so different, don't they? Gone are the regular days of lounging in bed until the afternoon hours, the waking up with a hangover then sleeping it off and starting all over again at 3pm, the boxset binges or reading a book in one sitting. .
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Weekends can also be complicated. The routine is gone and the kids might react to that. If one parent is at home during the week, it might feel like a struggle to reintegrate them into the family. One parent might work over the weekend, so you all have to make that transition. There might be endless birthday parties, or family commitments. For many, weekends can actually end up feeling more stressful than the week. .
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If we don't face these things head on, they do have a habit of just repeating and repeating. Nothing changes unless we change it. .
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So this week have a go at facing one of those things head on. Try and get in mind one of your weekend struggles, one thing you tend to find frustrating over the weekend. It could be the sense of loss of what was before, or not having any time to yourself, or anything else. .
Then ask yourself 'what could be different this time?' 'How can I make that happen?' Habits are only habits if we keep repeating them, but no habit is unbreakable. If we think about how to break the patterns we're finding unhelpful or unhealthy, just that intention is a big step in changing things.
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Hope you all have a brilliant weekend whatever you choose to do #howcanihelp #howcanyouhelp #stressdownfridays #keeptheconversationgoing #psychologistsofinstagram

There's this funny thing that happens when your bump gets big enough to be unmistakeably there - people feel they can comment on it. They tell you what they think you're having, they tell you how big or small you are, they tell you about their terrible birth and that terrible tear.... lots of things that leave you feeling very frightened indeed.
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Imagine if you told someone you were going to India. You'd done your research, you'd thought about what suited you, the kind of holiday you wanted. You knew there were certain things you couldn't control- like the weather- but you'd planned the kind of holiday you hoped for and done what you could to help it happen that way. And then imagine everyone you spoke to said 'oh no I went to India and I spent the whole time on the toilet' or 'definitely don't go there we stayed in this terrible hotel'. Would you cancel your holiday? Would you change it?
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People have their own experiences, and those experiences are important, and I'm not devaluing them. But we wouldn't go to India, have a bad experience and generalize that to assume everything to do with India is terrible. We do this about birth, though, because our birth experiences are so important. Whether we felt respected or not, in control or not, that stays with us. Then we tend to generalize that bad feeling- it must just be that birth is awful. And we spread that message, because it makes sense to us. It's all about cognitive bias- we listen to the stories that fit our beliefs and ignore the rest of it.
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But when you're pregnant for the first time, you really really need not to listen to that. Treat it like that trip to India, you might think something along the lines of 'ok that was your experience, maybe I can learn from that'. You almost certainly wouldn't cancel your trip and book a different one, or be terrified about going.
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Sometimes birth is awful, but often it is wonderful and life changing and empowering. When you hear those difficult birth stories, see them for what they are- someone sharing their experience, not YOUR experience. Every birth is different, and your birth can be unique to you- with all of your hopes, desires and beliefs

These are some of the things my three year old has said in the last few days. And it really made me think... kids are pretty nuts aren't they? Their brains work so differently to ours. They're organised differently and have many more synapses (connections) than we do. When you look at brain waves, kids also tend to literally work at a different rhythm to us. They are most frequently in a theta state- which adults usually only enter when they're dreaming. So imagine that, if someone came and told you to put your shoes on when you were just waking up from a dream. Kids are not mini adults. They're more like creatures from another planet. Knowing that can really help us explore what that planet is like, instead of being frustrated that they don't understand ours

So I didn't give my kids fishfingers for tea (they had pasta and chicken incidentally). I've tried giving them food like this, and do you know what happens? They cry. Life is about balance. Sometimes we cook home cooked healthy food. Sometimes we need to pull something out of the freezer. But why should anyone else care? We're all doing our best, and no one else should be concerned with what that looks like...
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It's been gorgeous watching the immense #solidaritea on Instagram today. Mums like @theunmumsymum @clemmie_telford @steph_dontbuyherflowers @hurrahforgin who openly talk about how much they love their kids and how fulfilling parenting can be, but also how tough mothering can be sometimes, we need more of them so we're less alone on our hard days. .
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It's easy to get angry about articles like today's in the @dailymail, but sometimes the anger can cloud our perception. Instead let's peel off a layer. Why is there a need for articles like this attacking women for being open and supporting other women? .
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Before times of change there is always a backlash. I wonder if we're starting to see that backlash, before the change. The more women speak to each other about our experience, the more we begin to realise a change needs to happen, and the more we will push for that change. And that challenges the status quo, so we get articles like today's.
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Let's not forget that thirty odd years ago the frozen fishfinger was a godsend for the newly working woman, who didn't have time to cook because she was focusing on her career. All that's changed is that pressure has increased - now we need a career AND a family AND a home cooked organic meal. The more empowered women are the more pressure we receive. As long as we can see through that, change can happen. .
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Women's voices are getting louder- I'm proud to be part of the #birthrevolution, begun by wonderful women like @milli.hill and @rebecca.schiller. Next...maybe it's time for the #motherhoodrevolution? Don't be silenced! Let's #keeptheconversationgoing and as I said a few times today... if the @dailymailonline are criticizing you, you're definitely doing something right ❤️#fthepatriarchy

What a lovely parcel I received today. A load of copies of @thegreenparentmag featuring the fabulous @milli.hill in an article about the @positivebirthmovement. The next meet of the North London Positive Birth Movement will be on Tuesday 6th June, 7:30pm upstairs in the beautiful dining room at @victoriastakes. Come along for your free mag and lots of interesting, invigorating discussion about birth

This. This is so important. Thanks @howtohealabadbirth #Repost @howtohealabadbirth (@get_repost)
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Sometimes, over the past 14 years of running Birthtalk.org, we've heard well-intentioned people - even some birth workers - ask the wrong questions to a woman who has just shared details about her traumatic birth. Questions like, "Why didn't you consider a homebirth?", or "Why didn't you ask for a mobile epidural?", or "Why didn't you just refuse consent?", or 'Why didn't you just opt for a caesarean in the beginning?" or "Why did you wait so long before having pain relief?". Anything that starts with "Why didn't you...?" is NOT helpful in the initial healing stage. Maybe it's not helpful at any stage. A woman needs to know that YOU know that every single decision she made was to preserve the life of her child, or to survive the experience herself (sometimes to emotionally survive), and sometimes that can mean doing what she might not do in other circumstances... because when birthing in our culture and our maternal health system we are often alone, and vulnerable, and scared, and desperate to take this baby home while hearing terrible stories. The incredible strength of mothers : who will do what it takes for their child's sake. And yes, sometimes they have been given incorrect or manipulative information. Sometimes they have had access to inaccurate advice that skews their decision-making. Sometimes they are faced with unsupportive partners, support people, family. But they are ALWAYS. ALWAYS. making the best decisions they can with the information they have. So stop asking "Why didn't you?" And start showering her with the love she needs, and the affirmation she needs. Give her the room to tell her story. Listen. Let her know you know she has done the best she can with the information she has. And that you can understand her decision-making in that situation. And that you know that birth trauma is real...AND it is possible to heal. #healing #support #understanding #birthtrauma #midwife #doula #vbac #caesarean #cesarean #traumaticvaginalbirth #perinatal #pnd #ppd

Our second theme from the #howcanihelp campaign, just in case you missed it over on @thepsychologymum's page. Have you had any time to yourself today? Even just a moment of quiet alone can help you reset yourself. #Repost @thepsychologymum (@get_repost)
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Next up in our (@mumologist and me) thematic summary of the amazing #howcanihelp responses is.... Drum roll... Awkward X factor pause.......... ME TIME. So many brilliant and varied responses about the importance of remembering to remember yourself, seeing looking after yourself as crucial and NOT a luxury, and self care and time out as being crucial to mental wellbeing.
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Taking time to yourself, even just five minutes of quiet time came up frequently, with @bo.and.bel reframing time out as a positive rejuvenator and @bad_mum_ highlighting it's importance too.
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Baths were frequently mentioned as a positive way of getting me time by @squeegee_beckenheim_, @helenahhhhhh among many while @hannah_mox.x preferred a long shower! Cups of teas and good coffee were another popular way to get that me time, which @__.charl described aptly as her simple pleasure.
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Looking after yourself and making yourself feel good with what you wear was another strong theme. @suzyreading described Nourishing yourself by wearing your favourite outfit while @ultimategirlgang mentioned that great feeling you get with new shoes! A great quote was "face on, nails done, hair dried" to make you feel good.
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Small treats also came up frequently with flowers, a glass of wine and chocolate being treats mentioned by @midwifehorne and @thissurreymummy amongst others.
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Many many mentions of the importance of books, podcasts and music in staying mentally healthy (and I got some great recommendations to boot!) with @blag_dad and @shereen__s favouring hip hop to make them feel good. 💃
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Finally other lovely self care tips were keeping life simple and making less plans, from @rosier.co and a good fitting bra (can't find who mentioned this so give me a hands up if it was you!) and mindful pottering with seeds from the marvellous @mothers.wellness.toolkit.
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All in all we were so pleased to see the importance placed on looking

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