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mumologist mumologist

198 posts   691 followers   830 followings

Emma Svanberg  Perinatal psychologist, hypnobirth teacher, feminist, mama.

http://www.mumologist.com/

Always nice to know it's not just us mere mortal mums who drop off at any given opportunity... hope you get the chance to make this face at least once this weekend #mumlife #wealldrool #Repost @jessicabiel (@get_repost)
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SPOTTED! In her natural state, notice the slack jaw, deep sleep and palpable fatigue of this creature. Yes, it is a working mom.

IT'S FRIDAY! Time to #stressdown and get ready for the weekend. .
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Today I've had one of those days when I feel a bit like my brain has melted and poured out of my ears. I left my jacket somewhere, located it then forgot to pick it up. I poured coffee on my foot. Just one of those days when people are talking to you and you realise you're watching their mouths move and haven't heard a word.
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So all day I've been thinking about my #stressdownfriday topic and nothing really stuck. I've had loads of ideas and they all melted out of my ears like the rest of my thoughts. So I thought I'd do a quick post about how important it is on days like these to accept that you can't be 100% fully functioning all the time. .
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Sometimes we can beat ourselves up for being anything less than perfectly happy all the time. Yes there are days when everything just seems to work- we're efficient, we're patient, we're cheerful. But there are also days when we're tired and grumpy. Or spaced out and dopey. Or tetchy and irritated. And there are many days when we're just nothing much at all and that's fine too. Instead of pining for those few and far between smooth days, and getting annoyed about the crappy ones, what happens if we see them all as equal- all part of the wonderful and complex journey of being human. .
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Life doesn't have to be about being happy. It can just be about being- and adjusting our expectations accordingly. Hope you all have a lovely relaxing and restful weekend. #stressdownfriday #needanearlynight #betyoudotoo

Thursday is birth day! Are you preggers? Do you feel like a goddess? Are you and those around you awestruck by the magic that your body is currently creating? No? WHY NOT?
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I had a conversation recently with a lovely friend of mine, about Gal Gadot shooting Wonder Woman while pregnant. This has been celebrated by the media, who called her a real life wonder woman performing stunts in the freezing cold while facing morning sickness and that dog tiredness we get during early pregnancy. Imagine, doing what has been dubbed 'the most physically demanding superhero movie shoots in recent years' when all you want to do is have a bath and go to bed. .
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What does this say about the expectations placed on pregnant women in our society? Don't think about the baby you're growing. Don't marvel at the magic you are creating. Just get on with it, try even harder to prove to those around you that just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're weak. .
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Imagine if we celebrated pregnancy like they do in other cultures. In some Indian cultures, a woman is showered with blessings, gifts and food to celebrate her upcoming journey to motherhood. In many African cultures, pregnant women are revered and those around her are expected to take on household duties so she can rest, eating nourishing food. In western culture, as recently as 100 years ago women were 'confined' to rest during the last trimester. .
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Fast forward to today where not only can we not rest, we can be the biggest action heroine of all time. Now I'm not saying that pregnant women cannot be powerful, and should be meekly resting. But aren't we denying the incredible transformations going on within our bodies and our minds if we just carry on as before?
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Even just taking a brief pause to stop and wonder at what is happening to you can be enough to reframe your thoughts about pregnancy. How would you choose to honour and celebrate what is happening in your body? And how could those around you do the same?
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'Life is always a rich and steady time when you are waiting for something to happen or to hatch.' E.B. White, Charlotte's Web
#thursdayisbirthday #psychologistsofinstagram

I've been aware that I haven't posted anything about the fire at Grenfell Tower, or the attack at Finsbury Park Mosque, and very little about the recent events in London and Manchester. Mainly because I haven't been able to find any words. What can you say to such tragedy. After so many tragedies.
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But I don't want to be silent either, because we need to keep talking- about how we feel about all that is happening around us, about how to help those affected, about what we might be able to do to stop tragedy from happening in our lives. About how we accept our lack of control too. .
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It's really easy at times like this to avoid the difficulty. I've noticed that I'm not reading the news as much. We reach saturation point for grief and turn away from it. We pretend it's not happening, and it makes us feel more in control, safer. We might also avoid in broader terms- avoid public transport for example, or crowded areas. Avoid people we don't know. .
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The problem with avoidance is that we can never then prove to ourselves that it would have been ok. There is a one in nearly ten million chance of dying in a terrorist attack. Paradoxically, by avoiding situations which make you anxious, you actually end up increasing your anxiety levels- as the things that make you feel safer get fewer and fewer. The best way to relieve our anxiety is to challenge it. As George Herbert said 'living well is the best revenge'. .
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And of course there are things we can do- there are currently many fundraising activities for those affected by the Grenfell Tower fire, and you can volunteer to help organise the many items donated. As hundreds of Londoners did last night at the vigil in Finsbury Park, we can make sure that we're open hearted to all members of our communities, and make our world bigger not smaller. Most of all, and I believe this so strongly, we can show empathy and compassion- to our communities but equally to our children. We can teach them that, when tragedy happens, people help each other. And by showing them true compassion, they can grow up to have hearts that don't know hatred #grenfelltower #terrorismhasnoreligion

Did you know that heatwaves linked to an increase in crime? Particularly murder. It's not hard to see why- the rising temperatures leave people irritated, our raised heart rate makes us hypersensitive and more likely to view a neutral social interaction as a negative one. Plus we're more likely to be out and about and boozing in the day, also increasing the likelihood of negative interactions. I certainly know of quite a few mums who are feeling murderous at the moment, with the hot nights affecting sleep for everyone. So how to keep your cool in the heat? I'd say make sure you're simplifying life as much as possible- don't expect any more of yourself than what is absolutely necessary. Cancel play dates unless they're held in a paddling pool with ample ice lollies. A nice trick is to freeze a bottle of water to carry round with you in the day, to get that blood cooling again. But sometimes it just helps to know that there's a reason you're all irritable, that it's ok to be snappy and apologise if you need to! What are your tips to keep your cool? #heatwave #meltingbrain

The other day I went to a yoga class at the beautiful @hilltopstudio1. Our teacher, @alischilling_photos instructed us to sit with our legs out in front of us, saying 'move the flesh away from your sit bones'. But Ali added '....if you're lucky enough to have any'.
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7 little words and it got me thinking for the rest of the day. How often have I heard those words and started contemplating my ample behind. Ali adding those few words made me thankful that I am in the privileged position of being able to feed my body. And move my body too. .
So often we get locked in to particular ways of thinking, that can become so entrenched that they become habits. And these habitual rules are what we live our lives by. To use my yoga example a rule there might be 'you've got to be thin to be worthy'. But we have hundreds that shape our daily life - 'good mothers don't shout' or 'children should be seen and not heard'. .
Sometimes these rules can help us, and offer guidelines to our daily experience. But what if you're persevering based on a rule you don't even agree with anymore? Often these rules are handed down from our parents, and their parents before them, and their parents before them, and they've become outdated. .
Let's take 'children should be seen and not heard'. Most people don't really agree with that rule now- we understand that children should be respected. But that's the rule that comes up when our kids kick off- alongside 'a good mother keeps her children under control' and 'it's not ok to express feelings'. .
If we don't agree with that rule anymore, how would we replace it? Perhaps something like 'it's ok for children to express their feelings - no matter how loudly' or 'a parent's role is to help their child learn how to healthily express their feelings'. It gives a bit more room for movement doesn't it, and helps us think about how we can react differently based on these new rules. So there's less pressure to quieten our child, instead an emphasis on helping them learn. .
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See if you can spot any outdated rules popping up in your mind today. I'd love to hear what they are, and what you'd replace them with.
#rulesforliving

Morning!

Look who we have for the weekend!

Asked my other half to answer the brilliant questions set by @the_positive_planner as part of their Fathers Day campaign. Have you got your partner involved? We women are so much more likely to share our experiences, but it's so important that dads feel heard too. For more details about the campaign take a look at @the_positive_planner and the many dads who have already got involved! #fathersday #fathersfeeltoo

GET INVOLVED! The wonderful ladies at @the_positive_planner have started a brilliant campaign for #fathersday, getting dads involved with this whole social media sharing wonder!! Take a look at their page for more details and persuade your partners to get involved. Mine is bang up for it, is yours? @claireymm @thepsychologymum @chloestraw @gigiandpickle @discover_hypnobirthing @whatthemamamade @whatvioletate @andybwriter @mothers.wellness.toolkit @mothersmeetings

Sometimes you have those conversations with your kids, don't you, where you somehow end up telling them about the 2000 tsunami and you're not entirely sure how it ended up there. Sure you've been there haven't you??? 🙄 .
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Anyway they were particularly interested in how the animals all went to higher ground before the tsunami hit. They somehow knew that there was a danger coming and they got out of the way (there's a point here I promise)
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We ended up talking about gut instinct- and about how often we don't listen to our instincts out of a fear of being impolite. .
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Think about how often we, in fact, actively encourage children not to listen to their instincts. From asking them to hug a family member (who- to them- is a virtual stranger) to asking them to clear their plate (even if their tummies are full). There's a particular conflict between children's natural instincts- to snatch a toy they want, to hit back when feeling threatened, to scream when frustrated- and our embarrassment at such a breach of social norms.
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We may also ignore our own instincts for fear of not fitting in, and when it comes to parenting this becomes so clear. We push aside our own feelings in light of social norms- even when they leave us feeling unsettled. It's easier to be upset and fit in than deal with being different. Makes sense doesn't it, from an evolutionary point of view. Don't be the one who stands out, maybe you'll invite a predator. .
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But look at how beautiful that white rock looks amongst the grey. Maybe you'll invite a few judgments from local predators. But you'll collect fellow white rocks along the way, and maybe even be part of changing the landscape. .
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#psychologistsofinstagram #keeptheconversationgoing #letthekidsplay #howcanihelp #bethewhiterock

The Khalil Gibran poem 'On Children' is one of my favourite poems of all time. Two of my favourite lines 'Your children are not your children.... You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you...' .
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But the way we talk about children doesn't reflect this. From the day they are born we look for similarities with ourselves- who do they look like, who do they remind us of, who are they like in their personality?
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If we can be truly open minded towards and respectful of our children, we can see them for who they are- their individual selves with their own needs and desires. .
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Just because we are raising them doesn't mean they owe us anything. Becoming a caretaker rather than a trainer can help us take a step back and appreciate how children develop in their own unique way- and all by themselves.
#howcanihelp #psychologistsofinstagram #keeptheconversationgoing #letthekidsplay

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