mrorlandosoria mrorlandosoria

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Orlando Soria  I'm a human man who lives inside your phone and speaks to you directly. All I like talking about is guys, shopping and the mall. Buy my book below!

I’VE PUT ON THESE FAKE GLASSES TO MAKE A VERY IMPORTANT, WISE ANNOUNCEMENT. You guys!!! I’m shooting a pilot for a TV show (ordered by a MAJOR network, probably the exact network you’re thinking of, I’M JUST NOT ALLOWED TO SAY). I’ve been working with the wonderful @jenrettig11 and @51minds to create the exact kind of design show I would want to watch. The last few years have been a challenge: breakup, layoff, depression, etc. And I documented the whole experience not because it was cathartic (it was mostly just terrifying and uncomfortable) but because I thought showing the downside of life inside the phone might eventually help people living outside the phone. I poured that sensibility into “Get It Together!” (BACK IN STOCK at the link-in-profile!) and I’m proud of the results. In my opinion, if you can use an experience you have to help other people who might be going through the same thing, you should. AND THIS IS THE WHOLE SENSIBILITY BEHIND THE SHOW. The basic premise is that we take a recently dumped/separated/divorced person and give them an amazing home makeover to lift their spirits, get their life back to better, and show them that fun still exists. It’s basically “Revenge Body” for the home. The whole thing is done in a super fun, funny way that’s like if @marthastewart and @amysedaris did a TV show together and it was hosted by someone who looks like a child’s drawing of @nateberkus (me). BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!!! I DIDN’T JUST COME HERE TO BRAG ABOUT THIS. We need a Dumpee (recently single person) to give a fun home makeover to! Do you know someone who lives in the Southern California area who fits the bill? PLEASE SAY YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW CAN BE MY FIRST MAKEOVER #VICTIM!!! If so, email casting@51minds.com and tell them I sent you. HURRY DON’T LET SOME OTHER DUMB PERSON BEAT YOU! {photo by @zekeruelas clothing by @mrturk + @birkenstock} #SHOWlando #drama #casting

Working away today, shooting with @zekeruelas and daydreaming about going to Palm Springs next weekend. We’ve shot a few of the guest bedrooms up here at Casa Soria and they look AMAZING. Can’t wait to share them with you. Coming back up in a few weeks to shoot the new kitchen, deck, sitting room, and family room. THE KITCHEN LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN BARELY STAND IT. This post kinda rambled and I’m not really sure what the theme is but I have to get back to work so bye. Photo @zekeruelas #victim

You guys! It’s been too long since I’ve yelled at you about my book, “Get It Together!” (Available now wherever books are sold). So here is a very subtle ad for it. You can barely see the book, it’s just peeking in at the bottom. But the reviews are in!!! Check out the almost exclusively 5-Star reviews on @amazon (and the one review by someone who thinks I’m totally annoying - I don’t disagree). Then, use your bulging eyeballs and quivering human fingers to buy the book at the link-in-profile! Or if you’ve already bought it, write a review! Or just throw your first copy into a well and buy a new one! Repeat until I am rich and covered with fresh caviar mixed with pure gold, drowning in a swimming pool filled with freshly-poured, perfectly chilled Veuve Clicquot. Or you could buy it for a friend or family member. A Stranger from the Internet just bought my book for a lady who liked it so much that she bought a copy for her friend Diane Keaton. Maybe if you buy one for another lady she’ll buy it for Meryl Streep. And then Meryl will agree to play orMOMdo in the upcoming biopic about my life. YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT MAGIC COULD HAPPEN THANKS TO YOUR PURCHASE. Also, if you wanna see what will happen if you don’t buy my book, swipe left. DO YOU REALLY WANNA BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT??? Okay bye. Photo by @zekeruelas x @prestel_usa #GetItTogetherOrlando

I made it up to Casa Soria yesterday and their kitchen looks INSANE. It’s almost done and looking SO GOOD. I’m here with @zekeruelas to shoot two of the guest bedrooms, the dining room, and MAYBE the sitting room if we have time. In a shocking turn of events I got mega sick on Monday (feeling better now) and Zeke basically died of sickness on the car drive up here. So far our trip has been a bit of a disaster. But I’ve been working hard going through tons of boxes looking for props (orMOMdo had to pack up half the house during the renovation so all her amazing objects and accessories are still packed away). She gets back from Italy or whatever tomorrow so hoping to get these last few edits done on the kitchen and get some styling done so she can come home to a SUPER GLAMOROUS SURPRISE KITCHEN AND SCREAM FOR JOY (before she screams at us to shut up then runs into another room to sleep off her jet lag). Anyway, here’s hoping Zeke gets better and that I find all them props! Okay bye. Photo @zekeruelas #chateaulando #semihandmade #kitchenmakeover #casasoria #ormomdo #ormomdokitchen

#ad You Guys!!! I work from home. ALONE. This means that sometimes things get a little monotonous and I yearn to hear the voices of other human beings. Left to my own devices, I often don't get dressed until 2 PM and look like a total slob BECAUSE WHAT'S THE POINT NO ONE'S GONNA SEE ME. So I make a point of scheduling time to grab lunch with friends on a regular basis. This gives me the ability to talk to another human person and recharge my brain so that I return to work refreshed, rejuvenated, and way more productive than if I just kept to myself all day. I'm partnering with @AmericanExpress to encourage everyone to connect and recharge with people you care about. This could be anyone from your best friend to your orMOMdo (one of my fave lunch companions tbh). So go forth! LIVE YOUR LIFE! Dine with a friend on a weekday! Okay bye. #AmexLife #AmexAmbassador

I JUST GOT A GLAMOROUS FACIAL TREATMENT (TY @skinlabusa) AND MY FACE LOOKS LIKE HAM. So I’m spending today trapped inside, staring out the window, wondering what it would be like to go outside and interact with the people. What would we say to each other? Would I make them laugh? Would my HAM face make them hungry for a ham ‘n’ cheese sandwich? So many questions I’ll never have answers to. Oh well. Photo @zekeruelas x @prestel_usa #victim

This pic of orMOMdo and orlanDAD makes me so happy. It was taken not long after we moved to Yosemite. Anyone who knows my siblings and me knows we’re obsessed with our mom. It’s not shocking that she’s out of town for Mother’s Day (in Italy or Croatia I think - I’m terrible at remembering where people are going on vacation). We had the privilege of being raised in the middle of one of the world’s most beautiful places by someone with an unrelenting interest in culture, music, art, dance, design, craft, diversity, and social justice. She showed us everything and took us all over the place, to museums and dance performances and art classes - she made sure we could hack it in the city even though we were forest kids. My mom is an accomplished lady, she taught herself Japanese in her forties and did a Fulbright exchange to Japan multiple times. Her curiosity about the world is infectious. And I think I get my constant desire to always be doing or making something from her hyperactive, enthusiastic approach to domestic life. Cheers to all the orMOMdos out there for the love and strength you bestow upon us. WE LOVE YOU TO PIECES. #orMOMdo #mothersday @yosemitenps

HAPPY FRIDAY HERE’S SOME TERRIFYING FACES TO GET U THROUGH THE WEEKEND OK BYE. #chateaulando photo @zekeruelas x @prestel_usa

You know, I’ve always loved tile and stone. So you can’t imagine my delight when I was notified by carrier pigeon that I was being invited to @coveringsshow (an exhibition of tile and stone from ALL OVER THE WORLD) courtesy the Tile Council of North America, Ceramics of Italy, and Tile of Spain (I’m not contractually obligated to mention them but how glamorous are these international bodies of tile governance? I want in!). If you need me, I’ll be wandering around Atlanta slobbering all over beautiful tiles and stone slabs. And when polyamorous Human-Tile marriage is finally legal, I’ll be the first one banging down the door of the courthouse with my cavalcade of Tile-Wives-and-Husbands DEMANDING JUSTICE because love is love is love. Okay bye. Photo @tessaneustadt #coverings2018 #coverings #orcondo

You guys! Something totally crazy and insane has happened! @OrchardSupply has brought me on to chat with you about how you can get creative in your home this Spring and Summer! I'll be sharing some tips 'n' tricks on fun projects you can do in and around the house to beautify your space as the weather gets warmer and the vibe gets more relaxed. I'm really excited about my first #OSHMoment which you can see today in MY MOST EPIC STORY SET EVER (it's legit a DIY show INSIDE YOUR PHONE). I have always loved smaller, community-oriented hardware stores like @OrchardSupply and I love finding crafting inspiration inside so this is truly a dream come true. My first Spring beautification project is this homemade wall hanging, made with 100% Orchard-sourced materials. Check out how I made it in my stories AND GET TO THE HARDWARE STORE AND MAKE SOMETHING ASAP!!! #OrchardSupply #Chateualando #orlanDIY #ad

orMOMdo did some art re-arranging the last time I was up visiting and ran out of space for this painting I made in a while ago so I brought him to hang in LA for a while. Someday, maybe I’ll have a space to paint in again. Right now making anything requires completely dismantling my dining room, splattering paint everywhere, and screaming at the ceiling about how life is pain. I was talking to someone at a party yesterday about how annoying it can be to have so many different interests and goals when you see a lot of people around you doing one thing really well and excelling at it. I’ve done a lot of great things in my career but remaining fully focused is not one of them. I want to be a designer, I want to be a writer, I want to be a host, I want to be a content producer, I want to be an artist, I want to make product, I WANT TO DO EVERYTHING. The downside of this is that it’s taken me longer to reach my goals. The upside is that I’m never, ever bored because I can always think of 500 things I want to do at any given time. I commend those of you out there who have the discipline to stick to doing one thing and kicking ass at it. And I’m also here for those of you who are completely A.D.D. about all the stuff they want to do and sometimes feel lost because they don’t always know what to prioritize at any given time. WHATEVER YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE DO WHAT YOU WANT. Okay bye. #victim #orlandART #chateaulando

Finally got around to framing my @diegocabezas00 painting and hung it next to the fake fireplace I wish was a real fireplace. As you know, I love faces everywhere. Mostly to keep me company late at night when I hear terrifying creaking noises coming from the back door. I kinda forget sometimes how much I love Chateaulando. It took a while to get set up and I basically went broke doing so but I like that I have a happy, pretty home filled with art and objects made by people I’m obsessed with from all over the world. The one downside is that it’s very hard to photograph this bright-in-real-life-but-shadowy-in-pics living room. @zekeruelas hates shooting in here because it’s annoying to get the color balancing right (the beautiful green courtyard out front reflects a lot of green into the room). Okay, seemed like this post was gonna be a thankful one but I still found something to complain about. Happy Cinco or whatever WOMP WOMP. Okay bye. #chateaulando #victim #drama

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