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Ilana Wiles  I don't have babies anymore. Still in denial. Author of "Remarkably Average Parenting." Also find me at: @averageparentproblems 👻: ilanawiles


Swipe left to see my mom, my sister and I then and now. You know what’s weird? When I think back on my childhood, I actually have a fondness for the days I stayed home sick. I remember cuddling on the couch with my mom watching TV in the den with all my blankets and pillows piled on top of us, sitting on her lap in the bathroom as it filled up with steam, and her rubbing Vicks VapoRub on my chest before bed. My memories aren't about how badly I felt or how tough my cold was to get over, they are more about how much my mom loved and looked after me. I’m talking about my memories of sick days on the blog today in parternship with #VicksVapoRub. Link in bio. What sick day rituals do you remember from your childhood? #sponsored

It's safe to say that Harlow's birthday party was a raging success. Mike said it was the happiest he has ever seen her on her birthday. I agree. She loved the cake, rocked her outfit, posed with her friends and was totally in her element. Though I hate to believe it, my baby is very much a five-year-old girl. Yep, it's true. We must face facts. Full party details on the blog! Link in bio.

Here’s the set-up for Harlow’s birthday party yesterday (now on my story). Thank you @littlemissparty for creating a look that gave a nod to Evie from the Descendants without plastering Sofia Carson’s head everywhere! We kept the official Disney merchandise to the party favors. Harlow was thrilled with everything. Next up! Figuring out Mazzy’s Mal themed party.

Today was Harlow’s Birthday Party Day which she will tell you lived way more up to expectations than her actual birthday last Wednesday. Apparently, eating cake surrounded by twenty of your closest friends, dancing your heart out under a disco ball and getting tons of presents is way preferable to a regular school day followed by dinner with your parents.

This is the top layer of Harlow’s Descendants cake (specifically Evie themed), baked by my friend and co-worker @carabraude for Harlow’s birthday party today. Can you believe this is just a hobby for her???? More pics to come...🍎❤️

The great irony of my lasik surgery is that my husband who has had perfect eye sight as long as I've known him, had to get his first pair of glasses that same week. Then yesterday, @funoogles sent Mazzy and Harlow pairs of their glasses (with clear lenses) and the girls haven't taken them off since. They LOVE them. Mazzy keeps calling herself "Maddie" from Liv and Maddie. Harlow wants to wear them to school on Monday and fool her teacher. When did glasses become so cool???Harlow is wearing a limited edition pair of WONDER glasses inspired by the movie— you can't tell from the pic but they have stars on the sides and like all @Funoogles, they come with interchangeable pieces so you can swap out the color, thicken the frame and change the temples. I'm pretty sure that if my kids DID need glasses, they'd want ones that they could style to match their mood! Also- is it just me or does Mike need larger frames?? (He bought them without me.) #frameyourworld #choosekind #sponsored

First they beg you to come in. Then, if you fall for it, they start pelting you with “snowballs.” Just a warning. #museumofchristmas

MAZZY: What's a sugar daddy?
ME: Uhhh...it's like what someone might call a man if they think a woman is marrying him for his money.
MAZZY: What?
ME: I mean, it's not a nice term. And women make more money a lot of the time too, so I guess they should call those women "Sugar Mommies." But really you should never say it at all. It's just not nice to assume that people are together for anything but the right reasons.
MAZZY: Oh. I thought it was a candy.
ME: Oh, right! It's caramel on a stick!
MAZZY: Yeah, that's what I thought. Thanks, Mom.

At first, Harlow was scared to step into the “Holiday Lights Infinity Room” because she thought she would fall through the floor. She ran away and I wasn’t going to make her go in. Then Mazzy walked over to her and had a little chat. Whatever it was that she said (she was whispering so I don’t know exactly), Harlow ended up letting Mazzy lead her in while she held onto her tightly. Once Harlow got comfortable, she danced around, did model poses and had a excellent time. On their way out, Mazzy ran up to me and said, “You’re welcome.” Seriously, Mazzy is a better parent than I am most days. You can see more of our visit to the #museumofchristmas on my story! #mazzyandharlow

“I still get another birthday cake at my birthday party on Sunday right???” “Yep! Like most kids your birthday will last for a solid week.”

What do you do with a Super Jew on her birthday? Take her to the Museum of Christmas! Harlow and Mazzy had the best time jumping in the snowball pit, swinging on the peppermint tire swings, climbing the huge piles of presents and finally collapsing in an overgrown ornament. Thanks @hallmarkchannel for giving us an extra fun way to celebrate today. The #MuseumofChristmas pop-up event is open to the public in NYC through Sunday night! #countdowntochristmas #partner

This fantastic human being who is ANYTHING BUT TINY turned FIVE today.

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