I have had a lot of shit on my mind lately, which is putting it lightly. I get lost in my thoughts, and even more in my emotions. I’m a very emotionally driven human being. I’ve always lead w my heart instead of my head. As time goes on I’m beginning to wonder if my thought process in that was wrong from the beginning. I thought that If you showed love and compassion, dedication and commitment that those things would be returned at some point. I’ve gotten to the point where the reserve for those things are about to run out. I’ve always put others first. Whom ever I am with at the time gets everything from me. I willingly sacrifice things for the happiness of others. I’m beginning to wonder why. I’m beginning to see that no one else is putting me first, so that’s my job. I need to put myself before anyone. I always saw this as being selfish but what I’m seeing is that maybe there needs to be a little of that in order to make yourself happy. Bc wo that you will only carry resentment. I’m tired of being number two. It has to be about me now.