Thoughts on turning 40:
My birthday was in December. I've always assumed that when I turned 40 it would come with the tiniest sting of loss. If nothing else, I expected an adjustment period, and hoped I would handle it gracefully. But I didn't expect to feel empowered. I didn't know that I would actually like my new number, or that it would so clearly underline my experience. I feel like I've received a certificate of achievement for decades of hard work.
I spent formative years of my childhood in an abusive household. I used to feel hurt and broken. I've spent most of my life putting myself together, redefining family, building friendships, making mistakes, having ideas, feeling vulnerable, feeling excited, feeling overwhelmed, feeling scared, feeling brave.
I wish it had come naturally, but I've had to work hard to use my voice, to stop apologizing, to trust myself. "Boundaries" is my new favorite word. Last year was one of my hardest in over a decade, and January introduced new lows. But I turned 40 and did 10 pullups in a row the next day. I never thought I'd be so strong or could handle so much.
I never thought I'd turn 40 and finally discover lipstick. I never thought I'd turn 40 and have my most monumental parenting challenges. I never thought I'd turn 40 and feel back at square one. I never thought I'd love my husband and children and friends this much. I never thought I'd have so much work to do, or that it could all be so daunting, or so worthwhile. I never thought my ideas could be this big.
I don’t usually share so much publicly; thanks for listening. I’d love to hear your thoughts too. ❤️