michelleloulan michelleloulan

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Michelle Lou Lan 〰  Founder of @MeshYoga


G'morning Batman 🔫

We often weave our pain into stories of suffering that justify our feelings of powerlessness. Our stories may be what we tell others to explain ourselves, or they “may be dramas we act out in our lives, playing the same scenes over and over again: the wounded child, the righteous warrior, the noble rescuer.

Morning yoga with my sweet love @marina_strube22

We bring toxic energies with us from our childhood trauma, and even from former lifetimes. These energies are stale and dark and taint the luminous energy field, settling into the chakras in dark pools, and informing and affecting the mind and body. They contain memories of painful events and hurtful people we have not been able to heal. Eventually, these toxic energies can manifest as disease.
Often, it can seem that stark pain is directing the course of our lives when all the while it is nothing less than the pull of destiny.

He once said:"I am not interested anymore in depth. Give me clarity. Mean what you say. And say it passionately..."


But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief. - 7/23 Sunday 🌔 #TheEnd

Somewhere in between discovering who I am and realizing who I'm not

Do not be attached to the outcome!

We all have to move beyond the dot of the present and ascend to truly grasp the scope of our healing journey, of our mission and purpose here on this earth. None of our stories define us; none pull the strings of our existence. We are not our stories. The perspectives we gain in our ascent tell us we are so much more: spiritual beings having physical experiences, infinite beings becoming gods.

Ascend high enough and we see the lifeline forming a circle: complete, whole, fulfilled. So many dots that they are no longer dots at all but prayer beads, link all starts becoming a beautiful map. linked together by the shamanic journey of transformation.

The eagle must land. We must touch the earth.

G'morning 😈

Once you start on your healing journey, your psyche will bring you messages and signs that will guide you. These messages will often come as dreams or visions during states of reverie.

The mirror reflects someone out of the past... My ballet slippers are so tight! But that's the way they have to be, I'm told. My feet hurt so bad sometimes that it's hard to walk. It hurts when I do those fast spins on my toes across the stage. Everyone tells me how lovely I am, how beautiful I look in my tutu—just like a princess, so sweet! Mother says I have a “presence” on stage, whatever that means. It must be good because she smiles when she tells me that. I'm only a child, but my dreams are big, much bigger than dancing. I want to fly! I want to catch the wind and float with the clouds.
It wasn't long before the image of a princess went out the window along with the ballet slippers. No more pain! Classical ballet had become a bondage, one I would not wish on any child. Still, gnawing deep inside me was the desire for artistic expression in some flowing form. It did not become clear to me until my seventeenth year when I discovered modern dance, dance that honored bare feet—and bared souls. It offered the freedom to move from within. It offered true creativity, free from anyone else's ideas and instructions.
I refocus my gaze, my attention back on the reflection in the mirror. I banish the child and strain to see the seventeen-year-old who had the freedom to be an artist. The eyes grow more intense; the mouth, more determined.
Seventeen. It was then that comments had changed and words like hypnotic and powerful were used to describe me. I had moved beyond lovely, sweet.

So what describes me now? I turn away from the mirror, not wanting to see. Just a few years after seventeen, the pain became my life. My youthful, promising fantasies were soon extinguished by dire dictums of medicine. That special part of me got packed away in a darkened closet along with the flowing gowns of dance—a place no light could reach.
When there's been so much trauma in my life, I have to ask? Is this pain psychological? I've learned to compensate for this dissection, but as a result my body is constricted and contorted. What this body has become...
The realization transcends my flesh and pierces my spirit.

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