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meredithadelaide meredithadelaide

1608 posts   30581 followers   1125 followings

ADELAIDE  self portraits teaching me about myself out loud photo • video • music Finished works:

http://www.meredithadelaide.com/

I believe this is my 111th #selfportrait in a row on my feed! I'm actually so pleasantly surprised by the collection I have acquired. Been able to go through my folders upon folders of work that still hasn't been shared. My mindset of what it means to be a photographer has been shifting, my thoughts on how I desire to be portrayed are changing as well.

Those who are watching are seeing how I'm beginning to integrate movement and motion picture into my work, which happens to coincide with music I'm making. Subsequently, my community of people is shifting towards those who are actively choosing to express themselves with their voices and/or bodies. People who are much better at it than me. I'm excited to continue shifting in my work and bring other sides of existence and performance to your feed, as well as begin putting together live events to create experiences for feeling, growing, existing... thank you again to you, my support. So happy you're here with me.

.
what can I do?
what you can, too
cause I feel like I'm everybody

Excerpt from a song, full version in my stories

I remember writing this bit as a way to honor all the ways we feel/exist as humans. What can I do? I can be peaceful, or angry, or scared, or tired, or joyous, or loud, or thankful, etc etc. I think about how much of it is by choice, how much of it is by habit, how much I'm doing without thinking. I think about how everyone can be all these ways, without me knowing.

#selfportrait

.
what I can do,
I'll do for you,
cause I'm a little for anybody

#selfportrait

I am feeling very angry again. I can't wait until this publication is out! I've held on too long. There are too many layers. I can't wait to share more. I'm gunna be angry for awhile.

Go to @unvaeljournal to purchase the first issue with my sexual assault photo essay. I'm not making money off of it, but it is very important to me to get this out! I love you I appreciate you I'm attempting to honor and share myself as bravely as I can, fuck, man fuuuuuck

#selfportrait

Hello everyone! Today I am giving you a prompt to look through your feed and stop at images that poke at you in some way, and to use the phrase:
"this image is ____ to me"

Examples:
"This image is hurtful to me."
"This image speaks to me."
"This image is soothing to me."
"This image confuses me."
"This image scares me."
etc.

Make sure your feelings are honest when presenting. Be open to engage with the account if you would like to explain or be further heard, but know that you are not expected to. Notice how many images in your feed affect you in whatever ways. Send me anything about your experience, if you wish 💛

#selfportrait

I asked this question yesterday in my stories and I'm actually quite surprised by the percentages and realized I should make a space to talk about it:

Is the reality of your life drastically different than the way you were raised to believe it would be?

#selfportrait

So I had a dream the dad of one of the performers went on an online forum and wrote that it was the worst performance of Monday Monday he's ever seen (my psyche wastes no time trying to drag me down), and I've only had about three moments of that feeling where my entire liquid self bubbles and boiles over into anguish and embarrassment at my self expression...but I'm calling them out as they happen, labeling them for what they are, and releasing them.

So I guess there is no way to avoid feeling this way sometimes, especially when pushing past my comfort levels, but I'm learning a healthier way of letting them exist and not attaching myself to them! WOOSH AWAY YE AWFUL THOUGHTS, THOU MAY BE STICKY BUT I BEETH SMOOTH

#selfportrait

Okay wow.

I performed a 3-song set last night at @thehotelcafe for their Monday Monday event.

The whole reason I decided to stay in LA is because of the community of artists that performed surrounding me-- it was an incredible cushy love-filled crowd of my friends and their friends, and where I am at today is in large part to the support they've offered as people and as colleagues and as souls.
I was prepared to stay on the road, keep trying to find whatever it was I was looking for and it had already been a year... but then the energy shifted from working on @jpsaxe's album art to meeting @iamrotana who has been the main instigator of infusing me into this community and settling my soul, to introducing me to @iamjessethomas who has taken care of me and let me grow and share in so many ways who trusted me to perform last night, who brought @isitjohan into our family and art-making...and so I stayed. And I want to stay. And I'm told I'm wanted to stay. And it's crazy but it's really not. But like it's crazy.

So, in cases like last night I now get to witness incredible writers and performers who are my friends. I saw @hayleygenepenner share even more of herself last night, and I got to play with the incredible @davidzimmer and @tylercarroll who are just the most lovely support both as humans and musicians...like...what. what. My life moves forward in the ways I have dreamt, here.

So, if you were there last night, THANK YOU for being a part of that memory. First show playing my own music. What a fucking layer cake. So good. So crazy. And thank you to those in the audience who got a postcard and shared themselves after-- it truly meant a lot. Guess I will play more?? #selfportrait

My past self been visiting my present self and trying to get me all riled up and embarrassed and ashamed of singing in public. Fuck you little me (but I love you still). You don't even know what fun it's gunna be!

#selfportrait

I realized last night that I've been using the phrase "fucking up" instead of "I'm still learning." Telling myself I've been fucking up and also believing that has been a constant in my life that I've never liked nor have done anything about.

So like, learning I've been wrong in the past I get really uncomfortable and feel guilty and think I'm that person forever and that other people know it and hold me there, like I'm forever an awful person. Then I begin to believe it, then I start judging myself for everything I do, which then tricks me into thinking other people are judging me for that same reason, so then whenever they do something kind to me or share love in any capacity, it feels to me like it's coming from pity (that's me projecting in many layers), and then I feel guilty for accepting their love, and then I beat myself up if I do accept it, but then my brain will turn that into like I need to apologize to them for dealing with my existence. It's both incredibly complicated and completely unnecessary.

It all seems to stem from moments of self-doubt and instead of just observing these thoughts and feelings like "hey, that's interesting I'm feeling sad/worthless, I wonder where that's coming from," I grab them and hold onto them like it's the ultimate truth, like because I'm thinking these things it means that it's true of me. I need to train myself how to step back from my head and outside influences.

#selfportrait

I don't have expectations
why do you

Swirling into self reflection. My ego is hiding behind something. I'm projecting self assuredness. I feel clear but I'm only looking with my brain.

#selfportrait

This photoshoot is featured in my music video for "Calyx" which you can find via my website (link in bio). I wanted to incorporate the feeling I get sometimes while posting on instagram, like, who cares? But I still do it, hahghhh.

The whole video is so many layered emotions. Two intense moments happened while shooting that maybe I'll talk about later, but since I released it I've just been gathering your thoughts and feelings and ideas after seeing it. It's a collage of that traveling-independent-model lifestyle. You also see my butt in it. I dunno. Check it out.

#selfportrait

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