meredithadelaide meredithadelaide

1517 posts   30129 followers   1273 followings

ADELAIDE  photo • video • music currently: montréal based: la

http://meredithadelaide.com/

you're meant to be here

#selfpotrait

Another from after the burglary. My thoughts were SO LOUD. I was thinking a lot about the value of a human life. What I considered worthy compared to what my friends do, compared to what my country does, compared what the world does. How anonymous we all are. Then how a platform like this can put me in front of 30k people and how suddenly my sense of responsibility changes, how big I think I feel. And, how upset I am at others for how they choose to value themselves...but also how pointless it is to give a shit about what anyone else is doing because that's time and energy taken away from focusing and shifting my own experience. Everyone is meant to be here. I'm meant to be here, and I'm worthy of making my own life (a note to self). When I had told people about this chase, I got a lot of people telling me how dumb that was of me. How those guys could have had a gun, how I could've been killed very easily. But, I didn't get a gun pulled on me and I didn't get shot. And anyway, if I had died up there, so what?

left a doe to fight a beast

#selfpotrait

I took this next series of self portraits while I quarantined myself for a week after I had chased two burglars out my bedroom window and up the fire escape, onto and over a few rooftops, screaming at them and eventually getting back the two dslrs they were trying to steal. I was both terrified and extremely proud of myself, but then after the adrenaline and cops and adventure-feeling passed, my brain turned into panic and retreat mode and I didnt trust anything or anyone. So I locked myself with myself and took self portraits and thought about what I was thinking about. "Left a doe" is me feeling helpless, basically victimizing myself. "To fight a beast" is the force of nature of my brain.

Lyrics from my song My Husband Harvey, which was written in the same room, to be released in the future.

How am I supposed to carry the two of me
when you're missing?
How am I supposed to run away from it
when I'm thinking, always thinking "how am I supposed to benefit from it?" My song "Hi(, Me)" is another lullaby to myself to remind me not to focus on anything lead by my ego and to not bury/hide/edit myself to present to the world because my own methods of expression are unique and based in love and just because a lot of people/most people respond in ways I don't understand it doesn't mean I'm a bad human or creating chaos or that I'm putting anyone down when I feel full. It's a reminder to keep my Self separate from the ideas that float and accidentally attach. A reminder that quiet time in a blank space is just as necessary to my being as food. A reminder that I create my own world with every choice I make every second of every day!

#selfportrait #pentax67 #film #filmisnotdead

how am I supposed to bury the energy
when you're with me?

Welp!! I'm back in Montréal. It's not snowing. It's actually quiteeee nice. I'm with my friends at @houseofyouth.studios embarking on a music video shoot that was pitched to me a year ago. So happy it's actually happening!

Just gotta say congrats to @s.robusto for being the full blown force that he is, making all his dreams come true, and to @marble.kin @marcluciano @frisko__ and @sebmckinnon for being the incredible gems that they are. Always honored to witness this team

#selfportrait in @bekiebekie's bathroom #120mm #film #filmisnotdead

ONE YEAR AGO I was on my first week of my vagrant journey, sleeping on the floor of my friend @oxfordryan's music studio. With @hairycrishna, we wrote the song "Hi (, Me)." I want to share some lyrics because DAMN the video for it is almost done and it's about time I share what I've been working on! "Every day is further away
I've been stuck in my stomach
There's a blank wall thats calling my name
But the thrills keep coming"

#selfpotrait from one of my trips to nyc, naked and alone in @bekiebekie's apartment #120mm #mediumformat #film #filmisnotdead #pentax67

If you come closer
I'll be closer

#selfpotrait and pixelated as I work through being a human again #feelslikeeverydaygoodlord

can't see me see through you

#selfpotrait

Pixelated as I was doing more self work. Sometimes a bit sensitive, nothing wrong with that, but I definitely become only elements of myself in those times.

This week I have been opening up my brain and mouth and doing my best to be honest about what I'm thinking/feeling. Like, yesterday morning I woke up and in my head I was all "I'm sad. I feel taken advantage of. I feel disrespected. I feel used. I deserve to carry all this weight around and everyone will see it and feel bad for me." Normally I would quietly get up, drink coffee, try to justify why I felt and thought all those things and let it carry throughout the day and then wait for someone to 'rescue' me and then feel bad for myself when they don't. But, I've noticed I've been affecting the people I love when I do that, negatively, and so instead I've been talking like "hey I need to say how I'm feeling and I'm not sure I'm clear but I gotta talk through it" and then I'll talk and then the person I'm talking to will say something and then because I'm in a shit headspace I take it against me so then I say "I just took your words and made it against me I don't know why" and then we talk through that and then after talking through it even though I may not have solved anything I don't feel heavy anymore and I feel respected and loved and actually quite happy. And then it happens like an HOUR LATER but then I talk through it again and then it's gone until it happens again etc etc. I am finding it is much easier to be open about these passing shitstorms than it is to sit in silence underneath them, inevitably drowning myself. Keep on learning and growing, giiiiirrllll fuck

#selfpotrait

do I care to convince you that this isn't about my sexuality but about my commitment to self?

#selfportrait

notes on being

#selfportrait

I don't like blending in
feels like I don't fit in

#selfportrait

I find myself thinking about everything that has made me this way

#selfportrait

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