Picture credit: @_kellyu.
Today is #mentalhealth day. We're about to go into the depths of no return and talk about #dating. Welp. In case you haven't noticed, I haven't dated anyone in a few years. It turns out I have a lot of anxiety about dating (and also just in general, obviously). I'm a pretty optimistic person and both of the last two guys I dated had given me signs that things weren't going well, but I ignored them and was hopeful that things were supposed to work out. To me, both times I got dumped it seemed completely out of the blue and I was blindsided. They both gave reasons like they "needed to find out who they were" and then proceeded to date someone else a month or two after we broke up. I was still hurting from the first breakup when I got broken up the second time and it ended up being too much trauma in one year. To make a long story short, I've basically become terrified to open myself up like that to another person--to trust someone 100% and also be my true self. I'm afraid of being vulnerable, so I've put walls up to protect myself. Even in regular friendships it takes me a long time to open up, so most people don't know the real me. And I'm constantly fearing that people are bored with me, would rather hang out with other people instead of me, or just don't care. It's exhausting. And all the time I ask myself "what's wrong with me?!" and "why did those breakups affect me like this?" I don't really have any answers but I just hope I'll be able to date again someday. To be clear, I don't blame these guys for how it affected me. It just happened. Also, I have finally gotten to the point where I'm really happy being single and I'm not worrying much about dating in the future. I'll get there.
As I mentioned earlier, I don't open up to people much. Maybe 3 people in the world know this about me, 1 of which is my counselor. Be gentle.😐😐😐😐😐 #selflovebootcamp #anxiety