meganwilde meganwilde

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megan wilde  selfies with overindulgent captions. (for work please see @___meganwilde)

i've been avoiding posting about this partly due to the finality that comes with it, and partly because i'm unsure of what to say. i have a lot to say, and that's the problem.

i want to speak about ritz, i want to speak about greif. what's too sad? what's enough to honor one of my longest friends? my soulmate...
she died on november 5th, 30 minutes before the vet was supposed to arrive to put her down. she held on for as long as i needed her to. she gave me an extra week after she initially got sick (i think because she knew i wasn't ready) and when it came time to say goodbye, she waited until i told her it was okay to let go, to finally rest.

i am so thankful for her. for everything she gave me. for all of the lessons she taught me, for all of the snuggles on fall mornings and summer walks through prospect park. she was my truest friend and confidant. my child, my angel, my little piggy. and i miss her every day... every time i leave for work and turn the radio on for her, even though i know she isn't there... when i go to bed and there's no weight at my feet or snoring sighs throughout the night... life without her feels empty, and what hurts most of all is i know that's completely out of my control.

when people tell me i'm doing much better than they thought i would be, while well intentioned, makes me wince. AM i doing better than i should be? should i be in pieces on the floor? am i a bad mother? am i colder than everyone else? you feel guilty for feeling "okay", even though you want to feel okay (but you don't). you don't want to think about those empty spaces. and then also in those moments when you think you're okay, that's when grief likes to swoop in and take you down.

grief has been a very cumbersome thing to navigate. and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. it just. fucking. sucks. i realized today that i had been avoiding her all together. i talk about the things i can, the things i've said over and over; how it happened, why it happened, the fact that she's gone... but i haven't truly divulged into the memories of her yet. those are what hurt the most right now.

*post continued in comments below*

DISCLAIMER: ULTRA LONG FEELINGS POST AHEAD (told you i was gonna).
🐶💕🐶
last week, ritz was hospitalized for pancreatitis, after multiple days of consistent sickness. she was hooked up to fluids, medicated and monitored for 24 hours.
it initially began as 12, but every time i called to check in i received news that she wasn't really improving. even after the 24 hours she wasn't ready to be released but i was out of funds and unsure of what to do next. i genuinely thought these would be my last few days with my closest companion. after speaking to my parents and some friends, i took her home to see if she would get better with fluids, tlc and meds for the next 48 hours.
🐶💕🐶
my first time administering ritz's iv at home, i cried. she was so weak and lethargic that she just laid there while the fluids dripped. it had been the only thing that made her feel better over everything else we tried. i wanted to make the experience as comfortable and positive as possible- putting blankets down, rubbing her head, telling her how perfect and beautiful and brave she was. i even played meditation bowls to set the healing mood.
amongst all of this a friend who had been checking in asked to see a photo of ritz and i, and this is what i sent. in a state of pure exhaustion, with irony in the form of that fucking birthday balloon. it was such a bittersweet moment, i wanted to capture the others as well. these were all taken after the iv was removed, when ritz and i would just sit in each other's company for a while.
🐶💕🐶

felt cute, might delete later. might also post a v personal, lengthy-captioned overkill post later. who knows... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #millennials

(。◕‿◕。)

wondering how her life got to this point. #helicoptermom

this thing is still alive and floating around the apartment. smiling smugly, watching me while i floss, wishing me a happy 30th when he knows DAMN WELL i'm 29. i feel trapped. lauren doesn't like him either but she's too nice to say anything. he's probably a scorpio (jk i love scorpios.... kind of.... sometimes.)
#wackywavinginflatableroommate #belatedbirthdayburdens #butseriouslyidolikemostscorpios

forehead as bright as my dreams and veins as big as my heart (🤢).
photo by the one and only @nik_dez on our mexican getaway.
#tqm #quelinda #whoslinda? #imlinda #soylinda #lindaeatssoy

fun story, i was adopted at childbirth and taken home seven days after- my dad's birthday, which is today! i don't have a recent photo so here's a picture of a fellow adoptee in birthday attire. happy #libra season!

when you weren't trying to be funny in the first place but your mere presence is laugh worthy.
🌹✨🌹✨🌹
(jk we all know i'm hilarious.)
📸 @annelise_photo

not everyone is so lucky to have such a loving and supportive team. you always make me feel heard and cared for, and for that i'm forever grateful. here's to my true intermix family. my heart is full, as is my stomach. you guys really got me this year.
vid: @katiemangano **also totally worth noting that i'm the hardest diet in the world to get party food for, and they pull through every time.
#onetimeforthebirthdaybitch

libra season visuals #romantic

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